Saturday, 3 January 2015

Missed Classic 4: The Scoop - Des Wahnsinns Fette Beute

By Kenny McCormick

Kenny’s filthy notebook (with anatomically accurate drawings of asses… and mules) legible page #6: Mrs. Tracey, apparently, is a woman with expensive tastes and can’t seem to keep her legs closed. A woman after my own heart. Except that I’m cheap.

Before carrying on, I just noticed, and let it be known, that I have not provided a subtitle for the editing team to work on. Ever. Meh. I’m sure they can think up something. They’re a smart bunch. They’d probably call this post: On the Trail of The Killer. Or something with similar amount of ‘Oomph’. I’d have called it: “Kenny Still Lives” or “Kenny Not Dead Yet”. 

Admin's note: Whatever you say Kenny, Oomph it is then!

Picking up where we left off, I was on a bus to Jumbles; some hoity-toity place where rich folks live away from the common unwashed masses. But guess who was on the same bus with me?

Howdy, neighbor! I mean, neighbour!]

Blast it, Mr. Oliver! Why are you following me around? Haven’t you any ideas of your own to work out?

Great minds think alike and I suspect Oliver is also hot on the trail to unravel what the late Johnson (Teehee! Johnson!) had discovered prior his untimely demise in a phone booth reeking of hobo-pee. I’m gonna beat him at his own game for I! Am! NormalMan! *Cue 80’s Superman theme music*

Looks as though he’s going West. To avoid looking like I’m his lapdog, I’m going East, like I always do. West is so 80s (they may be 80s but The Pet Shop Boys are da BOMB, guys).


And here’s where Glady lives. Nothing of importance to be found here, sadly, and it also happens to be a dead-end. Better rush after Oliver in case he scoops up my scoop!

Aha! What do we have here? Ye Olde English Pub! Getting myself a strong Irish brew!
Is gá dom a fháil ar meisce.

Yet again, Gladys is here but with another man. Hey, Gladys! Are you sure you’re not the one who can’t keep your legs closed? Let’s Observe again, shall we?

Uh… well… duh…

Scandalous! It almost looks as though Fisher had an agreement with Sharp for her to do in Geraldine to rob some jewels from her! Of course, knowing Agatha Christie, this is just a little side note to throw me off track. Then again, Gladys can be a potential help to me in uncovering what actually happened on that fateful day of Geraldine’s murder. I should try to get my hands on those jewels myself. As evidence, of course. Not to fund my retirement from this pathetic excuse of a newsman career.

Since I was caught out, I slinked my way out of the pub and continued on my Journey To the West.
You know what they say: big feet, big *beep*.

This is, I believe, where the goddamn jade dagger was found. 3 sets of footprints were here. 6-D is obviously Geraldine’s. Fisher, being the humongous fat man that he is, is probably the 9-DD who came to visit her. That leaves 8-E, our killer. With feet that size, the killer should be a man. But then again, it is also possible that Johnson (Teehee! Johnson!) was the 8-E who came over to pull out the dagger from that hole. Which would mean that 9-DD is the killer.

Am I reading too much into this crap? Gods know but I’m continuing on to the next screen towards Geraldine’s home. I’m sure I could pull out loads of wank materia- uh… evidence, I mean, from her residence.
Welcome! To the! *CENSORED*! Yeah, I’m trying my best to make this family-friendly.

Well, well… seems like someone’s been busy with the door. That’s strange. Only someone who does not have the keys to the home would need to do that. Which makes my initial suspicion, that Mr. Tracey is definitely not the killer, totally valid since he obviously has the keys to his love nest. This would, once again, put Fisher into the spot of Prime Suspect #1. I doubt those pigs in Scotland Yard would believe otherwise as well. Heck, if this wasn’t an Agatha Christie game, I’d throw Fisher in jail myself.
11-EEE? Mmm… Geraldine sure likes her men big…

Tally-ho! The door’s unlocked! Boy, does this look luxurious in a monochrome-y way. Strangely, there’s another set of prints belonging to an even large shoe size. 11-EEE? Is that the shoe size of people who contracted podiatric elephantiasis?
My my… someone’s having a heavy flow day.

And here in the sitting room is where the murder was committed, I presume? By the gods, is that another door? How big is this house?! Upon entering, I found that it’s Geraldine’s bedroom where she commits most of her sordid affairs. I don’t know. She might be doing it everywhere.
Let’s see what we got here, shall we?


Eeewww… ew ew ew… Incest? Agatha, you naughty wench, you. That’s a little below the belt, actually. Just how many men was Geraldine humping? Is she a nymphomaniac? What the heck is going on here? Stay tuned for the next episode.


  1. Ok, so how long until we hit games with kerning? I know it was sometime in the 90s? Not until after Windows 3.1 was dead you say? Frack.

    Also: Kenny, I'm disappointed you haven't worked the following into any of your posts.

    On another note: You have a very distinctive writing style. I hope that isn't why the comments section is so dead.

  2. In other news, a post-winter sale sale, in case any of you have money left:

    The Maker's Eden: -75% CDN$ 9.99 > CDN$ 2.49: The Maker's Eden is a first-person hypertext adventure game presented in the style of a motion comic. You play a character trying to discover what their predefined purpose is, in a science fiction/noir inspired world filled with androids, flying cars and an early 20th century vibe. User reviews: Positive (44 reviews) Release Date: 30 Jul, 2014
    Huh, don't recall hearing about this one before. Has anyone played it? The art style seems to have a bit of a 70s anime vibe to it, is that just me?

  3. It has been FAR to quite here, so here is something that should spark some discussion: Why are our screenshots wider then they are tall? According to they should be scaled to be 4:3, since while the pixel ratios are correct in the emulator, the pixels themselves are not.

    1. I guess it's quiet because of the holidays? most people should be back to normal now though. Also, there have been so many posts (one a day is surely more than we've been used to for a while!), that it's hard to start a discussion with people in various time zones. I've just been trying to keep up with reading the posts, rather than commenting.

    2. End/beginning of the year has always been a time of diminished comments - people often take a longer break and for some the festivities might continue almost into the middle of January. Usually the discussion has started to pick up in the second week, I'd say.

      The marathon week was a bit of an experiment. We knew there wouldn't be as much reader activity going on and we had quite a number of posts by Kenny, so we thought this might be a nice "holiday special".

      We've actually had a lot of general discussion what would be most suitable "flow" for the blog posts - until now, we've done two "official posts" and occasional extras in one week. We'll probably open up a poll some time in January whether we should try doing e.g. three "official posts" a week (or even playing three games from the official list).

    3. And no discussion of if our screenshots are wrong? You guys normally eat that stuff up! I've been saving that link a couple of days to post once I was caught up with Scoop week.

    4. I'd just like to say - fantastic title.

      The discussion was actually 'do we just have nothing over the period we know not many people can get to their computers?' and then Kenny's huge load of posts came through, which seemed like it would nicely slide in with all of the usual low period. At least nobody can confuse the blog for being dead!

    5. I must admit I had never even heard of the band, before I googled Oomph...

    6. Yeah, Canageek. Screenshots seem to be 819x460. Weird, but I never would have noticed if you didn't point it out.

      As for the lower comment count, yeah I'd say a combination of less free time during the Christmas period (or less desire for a break in the working day :)) and having a new post every day people have more to read and therefore less time to comment.

    7. I dunno. I only caught up reading today myself. XD