Wednesday 7 January 2015

Game 49: Elvira - Who you gonna call?

Written by Deimar

Jake Spenser Journal Entry #1 "We got one! I can't believe that ad in "Broomsticks Weekly" has finally paid off. And the client is no other than the crazy American star that moved to Killbragant last summer. Considering my mother always said that my correspondence course on catching ghosts was stupid and I would never amount to anything, I'm doing pretty good with my first client. She said something about an evil relative trying to bring hell on earth but I'm fairly sure it will be just a case of a playful poltergeist. Now, where is my exorcism book?"

Visit England, they said. You will see beautiful castles, they said. They forgot to mention the undead

The game manual is surprisingly detailed with the story of the game. After the events of the movie, I guess, because they changed the name of the evil uncle, Elvira inherits the castle of Killbragant in England. A proper castle if I may, with dungeons, a hedge maze and a moat. Being the sensible person she is, she tried to transform the castle into a macabre bed & breakfast. And I say tried because soon after, a horde of undead was roaming the castle and placing Elvira under house arrest in her own kitchen.

And that's where we come in. We are an anonymous ghostbuster that Elvira contacted before being imprisoned and our mission is to save the world. You see, this is not your average random undead horde. They have a purpose. It seems a long time ago, Elvira's grand grand grand grand grandmother was an evil witch. There is something in the manual about an evil wizard too and some extra marital and marital affairs but there is enough exposition as it is, so we will skip it. The thing is that Emelda, the witch, made a pact with Hell to come back to life. And she got an answer, which means that bureaucracy in Hell is way more effective than here. She got a scroll with instructions on how to get brought back to life... and how to stop it. Why the scroll has the instructions on how to stop the ritual is anyone's guess, but my bet is that the devil really likes messing with people, even his own followers.

Sorry. I think you are trying to say something important but somehow my mind keeps getting distracted by other things. Big things.

As she couldn't use the scroll herself -there is no point in resurrecting yourself while you are still breathing- she put it in a chest and locked it with six keys. She then gave the keys to her most loyal flunkies and promised them that if they held onto them, they would come back with her and then proceed to... RULE THE WORLD!!. Insert evil laugh track here. The catch is that they were resurrected before the evil witch was, so now they are our problem as the official ghostbuster of the castle.

And after three paragraphs of exposition -and believe me, I’ve been brief- it's finally time to actually play the game. We start outside the castle with an empty bag in our possession. We didn’t find the exorcism book after all. There is not much to do here. We can click on the sign next to the main gate and get a close up, but that’s about it.

Seems so peaceful in the pic...

The moment we enter the castle, the grate falls behind us and we are trapped. We have three options here. Two doors at either side of the main gate and the courtyard. The right door brings us to a small room containing some display cabinets with an axe, one small shield, one leather shield and some urns and crosses. We can take the axe and the shields but we will leave them be.

But… but… but… that’s an axe… AN AXE!! I want to satiate my homicidal impulses :(

The moment we try to step onto the courtyard or the left door, we are stopped by the captain of the guard. A blind man that captures us and, after saying some bravado about us not being able to save the lady, throws us into the deepest cell in the dungeon.

So… the gatekeeper… don’t you have a… blind spot? *wink* *wink*

But that doesn’t last for long. Our client, Elvira, comes to our rescue. Which costs us no small amount of teasing from her. But seeing as we are the only living souls in the castle, she gives us a knife, two potions with offensive spells and a cake which can heal our wounds, and send us on our way to try to stop Emelda’s resurrection. And now the game finally begins.

A dagger and a cake? A dagger? Where is my AXEEEEEEEE?!?!?!

For real.

I’m being honest here.

And I’m also going to finish this post here. I just wanted to get the story out of the way. Join me on the next installment for the first real gameplay post.

Session Time: 0 hours 05 minutes

Total Time: 0 hours 05 minutes

TBD's note: Want more CAPs? Review an Elvira movie:
As everyone's probably forgotten (including me until Ilmari pointed it out) in the comments of the 1990 'Year Ahead' post I offered to give some of my hard-earned CAPs to anyone who writes a short review of either/both Elvira movies. That offer still stands, but the reward is doubled! Anyone who reviews an Elvira movie will get 10 official Adventure Gamer CAPs as well as 10 of my personal second hand CAPs. 20 CAPs for reviewing a movie or 40 CAPs for reviewing two movies - sounds like a great deal to me. Get on it, readers!

Note Regarding Spoilers and Companion Assist Points: There’s a set of rules regarding spoilers and companion assist points. Please read it here before making any comments that could be considered a spoiler in any way. The short of it is that no points will be given for hints or spoilers given in advance of me requiring one. Please...try not to spoil any part of the game for me...unless I really obviously need the help...or I specifically request assistance. In this instance, I've not made any requests for assistance. Thanks!


  1. I didn't catch the sequel. Funny that she has more games made in her name than movies.

    1. Okay, I just saw the "sequel" and... wow. I can see how it got those Rotten Tomatoes. I'm sure it'd have been a lot funnier had I watched it when it was released. A lot of tired old gags and aged pop-cultural references there.

    2. You know what you have to do, Kenny. Just expand that paragraph a bit to make it slightly more reviewy and 20 delicious CAPs are all yours.

  2. If I recall correctly, there was an "80s hunk" in her first movie that she ends up trying to save. The 80s hunk, of course, traded in the mustache of the 70s hunk for a gym bag.

    Is John Spenser the 80s hunk that Elvira has been waiting for? I think so. He's already needed saving from the damsel in distress, so he's definitely got the 'bumbling' part down pat. If you look down and find that he's wearing a bum bag? You're IN there, Deimar.

    1. You are absolutely right. I can be the next piece of meat!!

  3. I have not yet failed you, Yakub