Another Larry game in the books. This one . . . this one was a real doozy. Between the lack of puzzles, the overdone hand-holding, the repetitive nature of the gameplay, and the controversial nature of some of its jokes, I’m ready to move on. After my last post, things can’t get any worse. Can they?
|I don’t find this offensive at all—it’s just an accent joke, for crying out loud—but your outrage mileage may vary.|
|These used to be a thing.|
|See the BLUE thing sticking out of the trashcan? That’s the “green” card.|
Full disclosure part two: I spent about 10 minutes trying to make Larry open the stupid door to the dentist’s office due to what I at first thought was a fatal bug. Clicking the “Hand” icon on the door made Larry inch towards the door without interacting with, sort of like an asymptote, agonizingly close but never touching. I searched online for help through this bug, and found no one else reporting this particular problem. I restored to an earlier section, and ran into the same problem. In frustration, I made Larry go down the stairs, back up, and then tried the door. It worked. Go figure. Was this a puzzle? If so, this game can kiss my asymptote.
She’s quite rude, and makes Larry fill out a questionnaire in order to get an appointment. There are many questions, and getting one wrong takes Larry back to the beginning of the sequence. Just be cynical and answer them as you think Al Lowe would intend you to, and you’ll be fine. Here they are, because I enjoy sharing pain:
- Do you have dental insurance?
- Do you have LOTS of dental insurance?
- Are your teeth overly sensitive?
- Are you allergic to pain?
- Do you ENJOY pain?
- Do you enjoy sharing your pain with others?
- Do you enjoy mechanical objects in your mouth?
- Do you enjoy other people’s hands in your mouth?
- Do you enjoy rubber in your mouth?
- Do you swallow?
- Have you ever heard of AIDS?
- Do you know anyone who has ever hired a lawyer?
- Do you know the definition of “malpractice”?
Doing this correctly (13 points) gets Larry an appointment . . . nine months from now. Trying to talk to the receptionist again gets Larry no further. I scroll through my inventory, thinking like an adventure game programmer. Larry just picked up a doily. It is the only new inventory item since getting to the doctor’s office. I click it on Larry, and he wraps it around his head (8 points), feigning a toothache. This actually works in getting Larry to see the hygienist (he never gets to visit with Dr. Pulliam, probably for the better) (17 points). I suppose Larry could have done this first to get in, foregoing the points from answering the questionnaire, but getting into the office quicker. I don’t know if this technically meets the definition of alternate solution, but it underscores how pointless the questionnaire is. If there was any reward for maximum points, I could see why such a design choice was made, but since there is no reward for maximum points, I’ll chalk it up to . . . copious cocaine consumption, I guess.
|The game makes a Three Stooges reference here. I approve.|
|Chi Chi Lambada, I presume?|
Here’s where the endgame kicks in: There is a cut-scene of members of C.A.N.E. paying a politician to clean up the airwaves, but guess what: It doesn’t matter. There are exactly two more actions for the player to actually participate in, but first, Larry imagines he is Humphrey Bogart talking to Ingrid Bergman in the final scene of Casablanca. This morphs into Inspector Desmond talking to Patti about all the great evidence she’s found throughout the game. I suppose this is where you learn what you did and didn’t accomplish, but since it’s impossible to lose this game, who cares?
|Still, it’s nice to be recognized for your hard work.|
Back to the task at hand, Larry has a humorously calm conversation with the stewardess about the plane’s slight altitude problem before volunteering to help since he, as a former traveling software salesman, sold flight simulations—including Sierra’s own Red Baron!—obviously making him qualified to land a commercial aircraft.
|After a bunch of dick-jokes, of course. What did you expect?|
|No one can get Larry’s name right.|
ENDGAME PART TWO: We now take control of Patti, waiting in the White House with Inspector Desmond, where she has been asked to perform.
And then the bombshell drops!
Julius pulls a gun on Patti. Oh no! Remember that brasserie cannon she got at the FBI labs? Just click that on Julius to shoot him (100 points) and officially win the game.
|Yet somehow the brasserie cannon didn’t kill Julius like it did that poor FBI worker.|
|The end, thank God.|
|“Hey person who spent upwards of fifty American dollars for this game: Thanks for playing! Even though everything you did didn’t amount to a hill of beans."|
|Whatever this means . . .|
Total Points: 1,000 out of 1,000
Larry: Hidden camera, charger, Michelle’s tape, Lana’s tape, Chi Chi’s tape, three resumes, napkin from Hard Disk Café in New York City, AeroDork Gold Card, AeroDork’s in-flight magazine, matches from Tramp Casino in Atlantic City, business card for Doc Pulliam in Miami, doily
Patti: DataMan, Reverse Biaz cartridge, P.C. Hammer cartridge, brasserie cannon, gold record, Reverse Biaz tape, evidence tape, photocopy of Krapper’s “Personal” folder
Session Time: 1 hour and 25 minutes.
Total Time: 6 hours and 10 minutes.