|Time to make some frog legs?|
In our last post, Horny had been frognapped and taken to the kitchen of the evil (or at least culinarily questionable) Chef Childish. Although they were right in front of me, I could not find any way to rescue the frogs. What’s a Beamish to do?
I don’t know what Willy would do, but I decided to make a Request for Assistance. I really wanted to solve this one on my own because my track record isn’t exactly stellar. I had to take a hint on my first game, Operation Stealth, as well as a few Missed Classics. I had already beaten Space Quest IV as a kid, so I dimly remembered some of the trickier solutions. Should I worry that much about these things? No! But I take it as a point of pride that if I’m going to review old adventure games, the least I can do is try to be good at them. Eventually, I had to concede defeat and I requested help. Thank you to everyone that provided answers!
The first hint I opened was from Aperama: “You have what you need.” That is reassuring, but not entirely helpful. The next clue was better: “You just picked it up, actually.” What was it that I had just picked up? The pan. What could I do with it? Not much. It is too hot to add to my inventory and spilling out the contents into a nearby pot doesn’t seem to do all that much. But now that I knew where to start, I could try brute force. I picked up the pan and clicked pretty much everywhere in the room to find the solution: you can pour out the pan in FRONT of the big pot. Why would I do that? What is Willy thinking about that I’m not? More experimentation and I discover that I can now click on the pot itself and push it forward, inching it closer to Chef Childish. Aha! From there, I can ride the conveyor belt, swing around, and knock the chef into the pot! Score.
But that’s not the end: now, she’s trapped with her butt in the pot and screaming her head off. The sound is just awful, like a million cats crying out in pain at once. I move to use the conveyor belt controls to free the frogs, but Mrs. Humpford hears the screams and captures me. The end.
|Early modern soundproof headwear?|
Just as I am about to restore, I realize that something seems off. I’ve seen this death message a dozen times already, but the dialog is different. Willy is still trapped in the aquarium, strapped into a giant fake treasure chest. But while Leona gloats, this time Turbofrog (!!) swims down and rescues me, with Horny right behind him. He pulls the stopper out of the drain and we are all sucked out into the harbor. I’m still not sure why an aquarium has a drain, but wondering about that is better than trying to figure out how Willy managed to fit through it at all...
|I take back all those things I said about your lederhosen!|
|Pardon me, do you happen to have any Grey Poupon?|
Once the cutscene is over, we are free to explore Frumpton again. Dad is being taken to the Sludgeworks, but it is still guarded by the same protesters that blocked my way earlier. I search everywhere else, but very little seems to have changed. On the other side of the bay, Dana is no longer in the treehouse so I cannot give her the good news about Gigi. My final stop is back at home where I find lots of people all waiting to give Dad his birthday surprise. But none of those places are getting me any closer to breaking into the Sludgeworks. How do I do it?
|Surprise… er… maybe later?|
|You know what every jetski needs? A waterproof tape deck.|
But with the new object in hand, I have an idea where I can use it: the phone booth. I have not yet found anything to do there and my guess is that you can use it to play back something when you call people on the phone. Let’s find out!
|She’s living in L.A., with my best old ex-friend Ray.|
With an idea of what to do, I try calling each of the numbers in the booth again. Only one seems different: when I call Ray, the bouncer from the Golden Bowl, he stays on the line a bit longer before deciding that it’s a prank. I play him snippets of a radio station, but before I get very far I am reminded that this game has a time limit. Dad has been killed! Game over. I restore back and do it all more quickly. I play each and every radio station for Ray, but none of them do anything. (What am I trying to do anyway? I’m not sure.)
The solution takes me a couple of minutes to figure out, but it’s so “out of the box” that it’s awesome. You can’t just record the radio using the tape deck, but also other calls. What is the radio for then? I have no idea. But I quickly find that if I record the psychic hotline and play it back for Ray, he becomes very interested and stays on the line. Seeing an opening, I run back to the Golden Bowl and YES, he has moved away from his post. I can finally enter the “saloon”.
|Is your name Lefty by any chance?|
You don’t have to be an adventure game expert to figure out the next part: Willy can use the magazine (filled with scantily clad women, naturally) to get past the striking plumbers. Apparently they are all in desperate need of dates, or perhaps the tedium of standing outside is finally getting to them.
|Can I interest you in a psychic hotline?|
|I really don’t want to know.|
We have to problem sneaking past the guards to get to the center platform where we are presented with a selection of buttons and a joystick.
|Pastel buttons? In a sludge factory?|
Dying in this area also scores me a new and cruel ending: Willy gets processed into a giant container of Tootsweet!
|That’s… just about as disgusting as turning wastewater into sweetener.|
|I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map.|
|Just like the internet: made of tubes.|
The next room-- and now I have no idea where I am on the map-- is a conveyor belt suspended over a lot of nothing. The far end of the belt drops off into a waste chute. Off to the side is what looks like a giant button and a tram car… but how do I get there?
|Who designed this factory anyway?|
|Oh my goodness. Willy Beamish killed a guy.|
The tram itself looks pretty simple: the game switches into a first person view with arrow keys clearly marking what direction we want to go. A small display tells us the name of our current location. I started jotting them down to map the area, but then I remembered I already had a map. I leave checking every room as an exercise to the reader.
|Boldly going forward ‘cause we can’t find reverse.|
Next, I head to the dark area on the right side of the maze. I really have no idea where I’m going, but trial and error will get us eventually. That room is a bit… odd.
|A journey into a wondrous land of imagination?|
When I arrive, the room opens up to reveal a giant toilet. Leona and Louis are both there, taunting Willy’s dad by slowly dipping him into a toilet bowl full of sludge. I start to play around with objects and figure out what I can do, but I don’t do it fast enough and we’re caught. Willy is put in the sludge with his father and they can at least die together. That’s sweet. I also get a new ending which confirms my theory: Leona’s “Humpford World” is a giant amusement park. A woman is free to chase her dreams, but how would an amusement park be more profitable than owning a popular artificial sweetener brand as well as a waste disposal facility? It seems she’s already in the right industry. And if she did want to invest her profits from her other businesses, why does she have to tear them down to do it? Couldn’t she just build an amusement park somewhere else nearby?
|A world of hope and a world of fear.|
|I still see dead people!|
I know I overdid it on the animated GIFs before, but I promised I’d make one more for the ending. Here it is:
Final Terrible Joke of the Week:
I have a bad feeling about this.
Up next will be the final rating post! I’m still very torn on this game; I am not sure at all how it will come out on the PISSED scale. Let’s find out together!
Time played: 2 hr 12 min
Total time: 23 hr 22 min
Deaths / Reloads:
16 “game overs” (105 total)
2 reload for other reasons (41 total)