|Wonder Twin powers, activate!|
The last post ended at the end of day one, with Robin waking up after a serious bender with the Merry Men.
|Sounds like college.|
|“I’ll say, bro!”|
I check the usual spots: The Widow’s cabin, the archery target, the ancient oak, the Watling Street overlook, and the sacred willow grove. I’m convinced that either Marian or her slipper will be in the grove, but it is empty. I even take a trip to the monastery in the fens; not only do I find nobody there, but I cannot cross the swamp to get into the place. The only fens I know of are in Boston, and they aren’t nearly this bad.
|I’m sure the monks who live here are a real cheery bunch.|
There’s only one place left on my list: the town of Nottingham.
Unfortunately, without a disguise the only place Robin can visit is the pub.
SHAMELESS PLUG ALERT: This screen also serves as the site of an interesting death in the VGA remake of Space Quest I, reviewed on this very site by Mr. Andy Panthro! Read it today!
All Robin can do in the pub is get arrested by the Sheriff’s men.
|It’s almost as if wandering into town as the most wanted man in Nottingham without a disguise was a bad idea.|
|Even in death, they bust his balls.|
Stymied, I revisited the grove, thinking that, like an insane person doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, that maybe the slipper would be there. It was not.
But wait! This is not true in this case! In Longbow, there’s a reason for the monks’ badness we will get to later. Trope thwarted!
Back to Marian. If you dally too long, trying to blow the horn or talk to the monk, he knocks Marian out, takes her away, and insults Robin to boot. Or should that be “to slipper,” as a dainty pink slipper falls from Marian’s foot and falls on the ground. I appreciate that the game offers you different ways of accomplishing a task, but I’m not going to let this insult stand.
“Not much of an outlaw,” he says. I’ll tell you what I am, monk! I’m an outlaw with a restore button! And, by the way, it’s OUTLAW!!!!!!!!
|How you like me now?!|
|You know, depending on Robin’s particular, ah, sexual proclivities, this slipper may be all the reward he needs.|
|The monk had nothing Robin could take, in case you were wondering.|
|Still busting your leader’s balls, I see. I can’t say I disapprove.|
Hey, here’s an idea! Can’t he just, I don’t know, borrow Friar Tuck’s robes? Tuck’s a big dude, so I’m sure Robin would fit in them, and I doubt that the Sheriff’s men would recognize Tuck’s particular robes out of the hundreds of other monks that they see. But what do I know, I don’t design adventure games, nor am I an OUTLAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I only play one on the Internet.
No dreams or mysterious gemstones, not even any Merry Men hanging out in the camp. I decide I really want to see Lobb, since time is ticking and King Richard is no closer to being rescued, so I head to the overlook. After a few moments spent enjoying the fresh air and sunshine, a hunchbacked beggar comes lurching down Watling Street.
|Look at him lurch!|
As with Robin’s Watling Street encounter on day one, I try several things:
- Blowing the horn informs the player that Robin doesn’t need any help with a harmless beggar. If Christy Marx were a jerk or Jim Walls, she would make the “harmless” beggar stab Robin with a broadsword produced from his undergarments or something.
- The game will not let Robin kill the beggar. This is good, because that would be horrible.
- You can give the beggar some money in exchange for his clothes. Robin then blows his horn to call his men and orders them to give the beggar food, more cash, and spare clothes before sending him back northward.
- You can also give the beggar the gem in exchange for his clothes, but let’s not be ridiculous!
Safely disguised in smelly rags (100) complete with fake hunch (seriously), Robin does a little lurching of his own into the town of Nottingham.
|I sure wish I got to rag on my boss with impunity.|
- Get drunk in the pub, insult some of the Sheriff’s men who make a toast to Prince John, and get taken to jail where he is soon recognized and executed. . .
- Go to the castle and get repeatedly kicked in the nuts while trying to bribe or sweet-talk his way in . . .
- Get ignored by the Abbot of St. Mary’s . . .
- Or quit screwing around and go to Lobb’s place.
|It’s a real “up and coming” neighborhood.|
Lobb leaves for York to learn more about the delivery and vows to send Robin word. Before leaving, he then gives Robin a silver comb (25), instructing Robin to give it to Marian the next time he sees her to prove that Robin is in on the mission. Marian, Lobb says, acts as a demure maiden in town, but outside she is . . . something else. Regardless, Robin is to never look for her in town and instead seek her out only in the sacred willow grove. Robin decides to call it a day and head back to camp.
|You know, I didn’t see YOU risking your life in Nottingham to do something useful.|
Robin gets out of bed and, horny bastard that he is, heads straight for the sacred willow grove. Will tells Robin that Little John might be at the overlook but who cares?
|Not this Overlook, thank God.|
|His weapons, not his clothes|
I try giving Marian the gemstone, but she says it is not the token she is looking for. I give her the comb (50), and that opens the floodgates.
Marian also tasks Robin with another quest. It turns out that the monks in the fens are not just your typical, run-of-the-mill, evil and hypocritical religious-type people. They are all former soldiers hand-picked by Prince John who set up a phony monastic order as a cover for various shady dealings. They have stolen a scroll with a drawing of a hand on it from Marian, and she wants it back. Fetch quests are alright in Robin’s book as long as they bring him closer to Marian.
Quest accepted, Robin tries to profess his love for Marian. She’s still playing hard to get until Robin shows her the emerald (50) and tells of how he found it. It turns out that Marian has a half-heart made of diamond. They put the two together and, bam, instant love. We have perhaps the first instance of a realistic romance in an adventure game. This is exactly how I met my wife.
|Their gemstone-based union is bound to last for eternity. Or until some guy comes along with a platinum heart.|
Oh, who am I kidding. I’m an OUTLAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As with the encounter with the captured woman, bribes don’t work and summoning the Merry Men results in no help and the Sheriff’s goon calling Robin a coward. There’s only one thing left to do.
I guess I’m just a really charitable individual.
Yes.Yes I did.
Anyway, after saving the poacher, day four comes to a close with the Merry Men trying to get Robin to tell all about Maid Marian.
Session Time: 1 hour, 30 minutes.
Total Time: 3 hours, 50 minutes
Inventory: Horn, money, gem
Score: 860 out of 7325
Corrections and Omissions: I’m a dum-dum, you’re smart. Tell me about it!
*5 CAPs for Joseph Curwen for his excellent discussion about kings and such. Read it!