Alright. This is a game that I now have to try and approach a touch more seriously, given how poorly it apparently comes across when joked about. Admittedly, my jokes weren't exactly up to par and were largely just a gimmick to make this feel more readable, but this game. This game. I would ask you all to realise that I am being completely direct when I state that in this previous hour and a half playing, I was given impossible directions (follow a path by direction when no sense of direction is given), walked on water with no clue as to whether or not I was moving in the correct direction in doing so (as most water drowns you instantly), and was then promptly sentenced to death for stepping on a lawn. Again, no hyperbole. This is simply what happened.
|Vive le freaking France|
|I found a few local drunks, but never had the opportunity to ask any of them about 'Victor'.|
|Choosing the 'wrong' option..|
|At least there's sometimes a little bit in the way of answers|
|If this isn't the town drunk, I don't know who is..|
|But we don't get to ask him about Victor!|
There was actually an intersection with a forked road and three flags. This made sense. I was immediately suspicious.
|If you pick the second before the first, he tells you that you need a member of the Order to vouch for you – dialogue puzzle success!|
|On the other hand, we're again given a direction by compass heading with literally no grounds to declare one direction from another|
|Oh, of course you can walk on this..|
|Given they haven't made me think that water is to be feared and all|
|The imagery on the world map versus elsewhere literally does not match up|
|I'm not joking when I say looking up the 'story designer' here, this was nearly the first image on offer. This game makes sense now, somehow.|
|Meanwhile, back in Middleville, I'm again reminded not to ask where I am|
|Take all of my money. Now.|
|I was actually just on the path, but..|
So, I'm not sure if this is actually supposed to happen as soon as it did to me, because.. well. I couldn't work a way out. See, as soon as I walked up to the first house I found in attempting to explore the town, I was accosted by some men with muskets and fancy bicorne hats. Turns out I was illegally on some grass. They informed me that I had the right to a phone call (but as they had no phones, I had no rights). Ha. I get it. After Don automatically tells them off for arguing with one another's attempts to arrest him in more vicious ways than one another, he gets told that he's insulted them and will as such be sentenced to death ('automatically found guilty after examination of the facts').
|I mean, this could be funny if it had something else to ground it a little?|
|Yup – more harsh than death, apparently!|
|The dread realisation of how bleak France is as it pertains to adventure games is not lost here|
|Nobody. Just nobody.|
Time played: 3 and a half hours, maybe. Time is not an object at present.
Mental age increase after playing: How old is Montgomery Burns, again?
Note Regarding Spoilers and Companion Assist Points: There’s a set of rules regarding spoilers and companion assist points. Please read it here before making any comments that could be considered a spoiler in any way. I am a fish I am a fish I am a fish I am a fish I am a fiiiiiii