It's back to Ortega we go!
The death scenes are highly enjoyable in Space Quest III!
So all these planets have breathable air!?
Seems like a safe place to put it. What could go wrong?
Who was in charge of decor around here?
Hmmm…I didn’t even realise that I couldn’t travel to Pestulon. I guess I’d figured that learning about the Two Guys trapped there was all it took to add Pestulon as an option on my navigation screen. This got me thinking though. Since there’s no real reason to play Astro Chicken or indeed visit Monolith Burger at all, it’s quite possible for someone to blow up the force field generator without even being aware of Pestulon. Even though I knew about it, I still didn’t really understand why I was on Ortega or why I might want to blow up the machine. Not very good game design! Anyway, now all I needed to do was get back to my ship, and this task was made more urgent when I was informed that the detonator had set off a chain reaction of earthquakes. I made my way as quickly as I could back through the large room and headed for my ship, only to find that the loose rock section had fallen away into the lava. There was no other pathway I could take to reach the ship, so I was going to have to jump over the gap somehow. Any experienced gamer would have no problem figuring out the solution, since there were so few items in my inventory at the time. I typed “use pole”, and watched as Roger ran towards the gap and pole vaulted across. “The Romanian judge gives you a 9.5!” (20 points)
So that's why I'm here?!
After practising pole vault with all his brooms over the years, this was never going to be an issue for Roger
I'm sure Iggle Piggle and Upsy Daisy are around here somewhere
I'm sure guarding a software company on an otherwise vacant planet that's historically been protected by a huge force field is one of the more rewarding careers
I made it just in time, with the invisibility belt running out of juice as soon as I’d reached safety. My view shifted once inside and I could now watch Roger running towards or away from the “camera”, making his way around a circular hallway. There were exits on both sides of the hall, so I took them in the order I reached them. The first doorway I passed through did something unexpected. While Roger did indeed go into the room beyond, the door simply closed and my view didn’t follow him inside. This wasn’t the first Space Quest game where this had happened, so I immediately knew that this was a janitor’s closet! I typed “look in closet”: “Rummaging about the cramped closet you find a pair of old, grimy janitorial coveralls.” I put them on, finding a trash vaporizer in one of the pockets. “You’ve seen these babies in all the janitorial supply catalogs but your superiors were always too cheap to outfit you with one.” (5 points) I did indeed have the coveralls on when I exited the closet, so I moved onto the next door. This one led to a typical office environment, with numerous ScumSoft employees banging away on their keyboards and manager-types wandering around with clipboards. I remembered the scene from past experience, and knew I had to make my way through the maze of partitions while playing the part of a janitor.
That looks more like a young Gene Hackman than Roger Wilco!
This is pretty much what my first office environment looked like, right down to the partition colouring
As long as I used my vaporizer to empty each bin of its scrunched up paper, the managers would leave me alone, leaving me free to explore the area. Eventually I found a picture of the boss (Elmo Pug) on one of the walls, which I was able to pick up. I seemed to recall using the photocopier near it for something, so I typed in “copy picture”. It worked, so I put the real picture back on the wall and took the convincing copy with me. (5 points) Exiting the maze to the north brought me to the boss’ cubicle area, but I couldn’t really investigate it while he was there. I walked around behind him and gained a view of my spaceship sitting in the ScumSoft vehicle bay. I wasn’t sure how I was going to escape after saving the Two Guys, but put that thought aside as I hadn’t even found them yet. When I walked back inside I found the boss had now departed his desk, so wandered into his office to take a look around. There was a keycard sitting on the desk just begging to be stolen, so I obliged! (5 points) I couldn’t find or think of anything else to do in the office area, so I made my way back to the hallway, hoping to find another doorway I could try out.
An office run by a snotty nosed fourteen year old. Joy!
Honestly, they could have made some of these puzzles a bit harder.
I found one, and this one had a keycard security system on it. I typed “use keycard” and the door appeared to unlock, but then a message popped up saying “Keycard verified. Standby for composite facial scan.” That was obviously what the picture of Elmo was for, so I typed “show picture”. Roger held the picture of the boss up to the scan, and it did the trick, opening the door and letting me through! (20 points) The chamber beyond had four exits, including the one I’d just entered through, and the Two Guys from Andromeda were held captive on a platform in the centre. The two of them were held by green jello, and it was difficult to tell whether they were actually alive or not. At first I couldn’t figure out how I might reach them, as the bridges from all four exits were retracted. I could tell that there were keypads on the walls next to at least two of the exits, but I couldn’t get to them either. I took a punt and typed “use keypad”. Apparently there was one on the wall right next to me, only I couldn’t see it! I was able to make the bridge extend, allowing me to wander across and stand next to the jello. I tried to talk to the guys, but they only responded with “HELPH!”
Please work, please work, please work...
What have they done to you now Han!?
In other words, I've decided to give you an opportunity to escape, because that's what villains do
The aim of Nukem Dukem Robots was simple. Press the J key to punch the opponent and the M key to block, while using the left and right arrows to move the robot back and forward. I ignored the block key altogether, preferring to just wait until Elmo moved his robot into range and pressing M. I defeated him in under a minute, watching with satisfaction as his robot fell through the wall in the side of the arena. (100 points) I climbed out of the robot, and the Two Guys and I bolted through the hole, which just happened to lead to the vehicle bay. We jumped into my ship and took off before anyone could stop us! The game had one last trick up its sleeve though, as short range fighters began approaching me from the rear. I immediately set my shields to rear, then pressed fire as they passed me and my targets locked on. This fight was once again way too easy, as all I had to do was put my front shields up when the target was in front of me and my back shields up when the target was behind me. There was no real challenge at all, and after I took down a few fighters, the remaining enemies simply gave up and went home. (100 points)
I was in the clear, and Mark and Scott told me how awesome I was, suggesting we go grab some food somewhere to celebrate! Their tune changed quickly though when I informed them that the ScumSoft employees had deactivated my light speed system, so it was going to take ages to get anywhere. “What! Now I’ll never get any food! Some rescuer you are!” Scott found the Light Speed Maintenance Access Panel and reattached the belt, but since I hadn’t entered a course into the navigation panel, we were thrown into light speed with no destination. We flew blindly through space, eventually hitting a black hole that pulled us in. “A bright light becomes visible in the distance. It grows larger as your ship races toward it. Finally you are hurled out of the blackness into a parallel universe.” This universe just happened to be our own, and the Aluminium Mallard appeared not far away from a little green and blue planet called Earth! We landed the ship just outside a pleasant looking building surrounded by a forest of trees. It was Sierra headquarters, and in a fantastic self-parodying moment in gaming history, the Two Guys from Andromeda introduced themselves to Ken Williams, the president and founder of Sierra On-Line!
Hey, don't be playing with random electronics on my spaceship, you hear me!?
This is actually what the Sierra building looked like! Check out the photo below.
Only Sierra truly got away with this stuff!
Session Time: 1 hours 15 minutes
Total Time: 4 hours 00 minutes