I’ve figured out the rhythm of this game: Larry wanders around La Costa Lotta, finding various women who need something. They will give Larry what he needs (you know what that is) in exchange for that item. Larry manages to find the item, provides it to the lady, and then hilarity (?) ensues resulting in Larry’s humiliation, Larry gets an item at the end, and then gives these items to Shamara. Who is Shamara? Ah, for that, you’ll have to read on and see where I totally missed something pretty basic during one of my earlier sessions (this one, to be exact).
But first, a note about game design.
The design of Leisure Suit Larry 6 really works well. I think Al Lowe was spot-on when he wrote in the manual that he wanted to “[i]n some ways, a return to the original. With Larry 6, I wanted to provide an area where the player could roam around and see almost anything within the first few minutes of play, and yet provide enough depth of play that the game would challenge most players.” He did a great job with this.
I liken this sort of design to a tabletop role-playing game. I’ve been playing a lot of Dungeons & Dragons with my son, and the best adventures I’ve found are the ones which take a location-based approach: they give the DM—and by extension, the player—a map with a bunch of locations on it, and the player can choose which locations to go to when, and each location contains a bunch of stuff to do. Maybe they’re all related to an overarching story or goal. Maybe they’re all side-quests. Maybe they lead to more adventures. Either way, the fun comes from giving the player agency. I’ve found the D&D 5th edition’s 2014 Starter Set’s adventure, The Lost Mine of Phandelver, to be an excellent exemplar of this philosophy.
I ended last session having just picked up a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket on the beach, and then before firing up the game again kept thinking about two outstanding puzzles: (1) How to use the dumbwaiter once Larry shoves himself inside, and (2) how to trick Daryl into letting me take his handcuffs, which are the item Thunderbird is waiting for. I decided to tackle the dumbwaiter first, but not before using my brand-new ice bucket to snag some ice cubes from the machine outside of Larry’s room (13 points). So now I have cold champagne, but no one to drink it with.
Back in the kitchen, I cram Larry into the dumbwaiter again and try other items, like the dental floss, to push the button. Maybe Larry would tie it around the button or something? Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking either.
It turns out the answer is nowhere near as complicated. In fact, all you have to do is . . . click “Hand” on the button a second time. Larry reaches out, presses it, gets his arm caught, presses it again, gets his nose caught . . .
|Now we know what kind of socks Larry wears.
There’s nothing to pick up in these fancy digs, just an elevator that I later confirm goes back to just outside Larry’s room, a private, locked door I can’t go through to the north, and an exit to the west. Heading west takes me to a room with an indoor firepit and a woman sitting on a balcony. She’s cross-legged and topless, and according to Larry she’s the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen.
On a lark, because this is an adventure game and you click everything on everything (even Larry’s zipper, though he comments he doesn’t want to screw things up with Shamara), I try giving her the bracelet Burgundy left behind in the shower . . . and she accepts it (20 points)! Shamara goes on an extremely long-winded rant about what the bracelet truly represents, and that Larry is speaking to her symbolically to get her to understand the meaning of life, man.
I also give Shamara the orchid Larry got for enduring Rose’s colonic (20 points), and get a similar spiel. I then try the champagne, but Shamara says she’s not ready to drink it yet. Other items don’t do anything, except for the lamp, with Shamara commenting that there used to be a lot of whaling on the island. Interesting. This makes me think about oil. I have a gross idea, that I’ll need to get oil removed via the cellulite drainage machine to fill the lamp, but that’s disgusting. A Larry game would never stoop to that level, would it?
|Nope, nothing but pure class here, yes sir.
It turned out that there was a camera: in the mud-bath room. This is a pretty odd place to have CCTV, and makes me wonder about what kind of place La Costa Lotta is anyway (spoiler: ‘tis a silly place).
|Filched (15 points)
Larry wakes up the next morning, bruised and battered but alive. He still has the dog collar, and check it out! It comes with a gigantic diamond!
I try clicking everything on him, brute-forcing my way to something, and when I click the dental floss on him, he says the following:
I don’t know. I wonder if I can wear the sunglasses, or do anything with them and the tiny cloth they came with. You know, I’m by the pool, I figure the items I picked up in this area might be used here. For some reason, I decide to wash the sunglasses with the cloth, thinking that was a puzzle, only for Larry to muse:
All I know is that after wearing the bathing suit (12 points), Larry can finally pee in the game’s elusive fifth spot.
While wearing the bathing suit, Larry can’t leave the pool area (he changes between swimsuit and leisure suit in the dark-colored bushes on the pool’s south end), but the reason I wanted a swimsuit was to float on the giant beaver to the pool’s aquatic bar. There’s a fine-looking young lass in a green bikini Larry wants to get close to, and another woman in red.
At least I thought it was a woman in red. It’s a man, actually, and not just any man: it’s the annoying loudmouth from Lefty’s bar in the first Leisure Suit Larry. Of all the recurring characters, it had to be this guy?
Enough about Ken, let’s talk about Larry! The woman in the green bikini won’t talk to Larry unless he can get her a drink (no, you can’t use the champagne). To get a drink, Larry has to get the bartender’s attention. To get the bartender’s attention you must, as Ken said, “slap your tail.” Clicking “Hand” on the tail of Larry’s float lets him slap it on the water, bringing the bartender up to the surface.
|Amazing that Larry doesn’t hit on her.
|Yeah, I thought there was a serious flaw with this particular business model.
I think about this, and notice I have three keys: my room key, the bungee tower key, and the random room key I filched from the return box many moons ago. I wonder if I can channel my inner Police Quest III and make a copy of the key. Once again scanning my odd collection of items, I see the file swiped from Mark the gross plumber. I try various combinations of overlaying the tower key on the random room key, and the file, which is the solution, except freakin’ Eagle-Eye Billy notices and puts a stop to Larry’s woman-pleasing scheme.
Anyway, do you think Larry will finally get lucky this time? Ha ha ha! It’s a Larry game. Let me give you a little preview:
As seen in this post’s first screenshot, Larry agrees to climb up after Merr to, you know, and then they go to an even higher platform that’s so far up, there are beacons to warn airplanes, and Larry can see the curvature of the Earth.
|Flat Earthers BTFO. Suck it, Kyrie Irving!
|It’s like the dream you pluck from the ether in Les Manley, but not in a terrible game!
We wake up in our room for the third time, once again thoroughly frustrated sexually, though thankfully not forcibly penetrated or otherwise sexually abused. Thank God for small favors, right? The most logical thing to do is give Shamara our words of wisdom (20 points), which nets us another boost in her estimation but not enough to, you know, consummate things. Which stands to reason, because by my count there are still two women we haven’t been humiliated by and received objects from: Char, who needs batteries, and Gammie, who wants the cellulite drainage device fixed.
Except now . . . I’m stuck. I spend a lot of time wandering around accomplishing nothing, in particular trying to fix the cellulite drainage machine. I try getting oil, i.e., cellulite, for my lamp, but there isn’t enough left over in the machine.
Nothing works. I think about what I haven’t done. I see Art go by on his surfboard-toilet device and figure I’ll ride to the end of the line just to see what happens.
Regardless, I happen to have a match, which Art happily takes (4 points). He then wanders off into the employee’s area, a horrible place where, he informs Larry, there’s nothing but beer, and lots of it. Joke’s on you, sucker: I’ve already been! Of course, I can’t go in while Art is there because something about stolen badges, not being an employee, blah blah. Whatever. All I know is that you left your toilet unguarded, bro.
Yes, I poke around with Art’s strange means of locomotion, positing that the game wouldn’t have put me in this situation otherwise. I am able to open up the toilet, which reveals a rather more complex set of electronics than one would think a humble commode would need. I get that there are smart toilets and what not, but this is ridiculous.
|Larry, you so bad!
No, it can’t.
Fixing the brown water
- Fixing the cellulite drainage machine for Gammie
Finding a girl to go to the sauna with for Cav Finding batteries for Char Finding a dress for Shablee Finding handcuffs for Thunderbird Finding flowers for Rose Getting the handcuffs from Daryl
- Get a receipt marked PAID IN FULL to get past Daryl
Find a bathing suit Use the high dive at the pool Blow up the beaver float Get ice from the ice machine Use the elevator Use the dumbwaiter Find more stuff to urinate on, in, or around
- Get oil for the lamp
- Figure out what to do in the tanning room
Total Time: 7 hours
Total Points: 774
Inventory: Cav’s badge, brochure, champagne and bucket, hand crème, room key, lamp, orange, ass gasket, toilet paper, towel, damp washcloth, wrench
Things Urinated On, In, or Around: 5 (In the room key return box, behind the taco truck, in the fountain in the towel room, in the toilet in Larry’s room, in the pool)
Things Rammed Up Larry’s Butt: 2 (Rose’s colonic machine, Shablee)