As you can likely tell from the opening image, this post is going to get decidedly non-family friendly. You’ve been warned.
Actually, this is something I’ve agonized a bit about when covering Leisure Suit Larry games, especially this one, which is a bit more ribald than the others. My general blogging approach is to not swear, not make gross sex jokes, and use more innuendo and subtle humor. And yet, I started this post with a censored picture of a dress-wearing man’s giant erection, which is not exactly the height of subtlety. I didn’t exactly erect a façade of tumescent effort in order to make sure this opening did not become too turgid. I should have engaged in more foreplay before pounding you with such vulgarity. My sincerest apologies.
So yes, I have defenestrated these concerns, if not all the way then at least part way, in my discussion of Leisure Suit Larry 6, in a way I didn’t even when writing about Freddy Pharkas: Frontier Pharmacist. To be fair, that game is nowhere near as explicit as this one, but still: horse farts.
|I will never stop referencing this screenshot.
With that out of the way, let’s get on with the show. This was a very raunchy session, featuring lots of sexual encounters both bad and, well, bad. So yes: consider yourself warned.
I left off last session having just taken a shower. In the game, silly, not in real life (though I did that too, in the interim). In that post, I lamented that I didn’t even try to pee in the shower. So this time, I did. Sadly, you can’t. I mean in the game, not in real life. In real life you can pee all you want in the shower; it’s your life, pal, and I’m not here to tell you what to do (but don’t do it; it’s gross). But I did have the brilliant idea to hop in the mud bath and the sauna wearing only a towel.
So yep. Larry can hop in the mud bath (1 point) and sit there. And fart. Because this is a classy, classy game.
|Or maybe clASSy.
|“I have a dream . . . that adventure games will be judged by the content of their jokes . . . and not the color of their protagonist!”
|Did this happen in Leisure Suit Larry 4?
|Bob Vila would be so proud.
Whew! I almost uttered . . . that name again. And no, I won’t use that picture again (*jimwallsindoor.jpeg*). I’ve heard about it enough, thank you very much.
Off to solve some outstanding puzzles: I can indeed inflate the beaver float (14 points) with the taco truck’s leaky tire (what a strange sentence!):
|Larry, you scamp.
Why Larry can’t just sit on the float and push off without going into the water, I don’t know, but then again, I don’t design adventure games! What do I look like? A retired California Highway Patrol man-turned-legendary adventure game designer/sex symbol? Please. I’m no James Room Divider (you notice I didn’t say “Jim Walls”?), that’s for sure.
So swimming is out, and I can’t even put on Larry’s sweet stolen shades because Larry is not wearing a bathing suit. Kind of a weird rule, but okay game, I’m in your world now. I then start to do that classic adventure game thing: revisiting every area to see what, if anything has changed. Leisure Suit Larry 6 has already established that this is a gameplay mechanic, so who knows if some item I’ve picked up has triggered something else to happen, or if these changes are timing based?
I’m not making this up:Police Quest 1, Marie gets arrested, and Sonny agrees to spring her if she will act as his hooker while Sonny disguises himself as a pimp to infiltrate a high-stakes poker tournament to take down the Death Angel. Truly a love story for the ages: Romeo and Juliet . . . Luke and Laura . . . Sonny and Cher . . . Sonny and Sweet Cheeks. Which cheeks? Why, the sweet ones, of course.
While I didn’t get enough screenshots of all the lyrics, here they are reproduced in full:
The boys could find my number written by the telephone,My friends, I’m being haunted. There’s no other explanation.
The sort of girl a Lytton man could take, then leave alone.
In high school I was voted Miss Congeniality,
But then I asked myself, "Why am I doin' it fer free?"
I knew when you grew up next door, you had a crush on me.
You'd been the high school quarterback, then joined the LPD.
That night you caught me hookin' and you hauled me off to jail,
You wrapped your arms around me and you held me without bail!
The lifeline that you threw me were the handcuffs that you used.
You left my heart locked up, and my wrists a little bruised.
You brought me down for questioning, I had to say, "I do!"
Your kisses sentenced me to life in Cell Block Love with you.
I sit alone and cry when you refuse to wear your vest.
I never know if you'll come home or take one in the chest.
I sit and stare when you won't wear your firearm like you should.
I know someday they'll find you, dear, flatlinin' in the 'hood!
I pray you're just unfaithful when you don't come home 'til two.
Perhaps I oughtta go back out and hit the streets like you.
We sure could use the extra cash, for bills we've plenty of,
And you could run me in, like on the night we fell in love!
I waive my right to silence, here's the statement that I'll sign:
I do confess to lovin' you and wantin' you fer mine!
Is it so wrong, a workin' girl who loves a man in blue?
I hope I never make parole from Cell Block Love with you.
It's never solitary here in Cell Block Love with you.
My prison address, darlin', is in Cell Block Love with you!
|“You can run, Alex . . .”
That’s right: nobody can figure out that you just have to . . . plug it in.
|Her words, not mine!
Larry offers to buy Burgundy a drink (2 points), and luckily he’s toting some alcoholic beverages right now. Six, in fact. Larry hands over the beers (6 points), which Burgundy immediately begins to chug, belching every now and then. Charming. This whole game is charming. Burping, farting, peeing, boob jokes, dick jokes, it’s a never-ending parade of class and dignity. Like a Mel Brooks movie. In fact, this game has a very seventies comedy vibe, although it was made in the 90s. I think it’s, at the risk of using a Very On Line term, Boomer humor. As in, made by people from that generation. At least, this is the impression I get as someone between Gen X and Millennial (b. 1981). Your mileage may vary.
Back in Larry’s room, it looks like the maid did turn down the bed . . . and left Larry a present.
|“Wow, Larry has a small penis! What a novel joke!”
I head into the bathroom, because why not? This is a Larry game. And Larry’s not alone.
|When you click the “Zipper” icon on him.
There’s also a hose in the cellulite drainage machine that’s broke (see the yellow thing in the middle-left of the screenshot) that I can’t fix now, so I note that for later.
Rose is very happy to get flowers from Larry (5 points), and promises to give him a little something for his troubles. This begins another very classy sequence, emphasis on the “assy.”
That’s right: I may not speak Greek fluently, but I know all the good words. And look at you: Latin and Greek in a post on The Adventure Gamer about a freakin’ Leisure Suit Larry game. That’s me: classin’ up the joint.
Ha ha. “ClASS.”
At a bit of a loss, I head back to Larry’s room, thinking maybe he needs to take a shower after the colonic. But look: Mark the gross plumber is still there, this time grossly fixing Larry’s sink.
|Seriously: Such an unappealing character.
Speaking of puzzles, Leisure Suit Larry 6 does something I like that old adventure games were good at—the well-written ones at least—which is making the player need to use the clues in the descriptions to figure things out. The constant references to Mark’s toolbelt when looking at him are one example, but so was the reference on the maid’s cart parked outside of Larry’s room to the stuff Larry can see on the front of the cart. Something I missed in my first session is that you can find different stuff if you look on the back side.
|Ha ha, “the back side.” Al Lowe’s got me seeing butt references everywhere.
Yep, he can poop.
|Aren’t you glad you’re reading this post?
Remember that brochure we picked up on Gary’s desk? Remember the hand crème? Yeah . . . I’m apologizing in advance.
|The sound effect during this sequence is truly disgusting.
I have an idea to clean that filter. The kitchen with the taco truck had a dishwashing machine next to the sink. In the summer of 1998 I washed dishes at the Bridgeside Diner in Holderness, New Hampshire, and used one of these things extensively. While the game didn’t describe it earlier when I used the “Eye” icon on it, the Narrator’s statement that I’d need something industrial strength stuck with me—another of those textual clues I mentioned—so I try clicking the clogged filter on the sink, and son of a gun, it worked (10 points).
|The jokes, they write themselves.
I figure I might as well snag more beer and try giving it to Burgundy again to see what I missed.
|Theft: It’s an adventure gamer’s bread and butter.
|Nice little shout out.
|Latin, Greek, AND French! TAG givin’ you an EDUCATION!
Ah well. At least I have one other puzzle to solve: Shablee! She’s obviously happy to get the dress (14 points), and tells Larry to meet her on the beach that night for some fun.
Like I said earlier in this post, this is Mel Brooks-level humor. Guy thinks he’s with a girl, he’s with a guy, which is not what he’s into or what he bargained for, ha ha, jokes on him! Except here . . . the implication is that Shablee, well, that Shablee raped Larry. I mean, Larry screamed, right?
Hopefully next time Larry can have some adventures that don’t involve things being inserted up his dumper without his permission. The worst part of this entire session, though, the most disappointing thing, was that I found nothing else for Larry to pee on, in, or around. I thought this game was supposed to be fun!
Fixing the brown water
- Fixing the cellulite drainage machine for Gammie
Finding a girl to go to the sauna with for Cav
- Finding batteries for Char
Finding a dress for Shablee
- Finding handcuffs for Thunderbird
Finding flowers for Rose
- Getting the handcuffs from Daryl
- Get a receipt marked PAID IN FULL to get past Daryl
- Find a bathing suit
- Use the high dive at the pool
Blow up the beaver float
- Get ice from the ice machine
- Use the elevator
- Use the dumbwaiter
- Find more stuff to urinate on, in, or around
Total Time: 4 hours, 30 minutes
Total Points: 417
Inventory: Cav’s badge, inflated float, silver bracelet, brochure, champagne and bucket, file, dental floss, hand crème, random key, room key, lamp, match, orange, orchid, sunglasses, little cloth, ass gasket, toilet paper, towel, damp washcloth, wrench
Things Urinated On, In, or Around: 4 (In the room key return box, behind the taco truck, in the fountain in the towel room, in the toilet in Larry’s room)
Things Rammed Up Larry’s Butt: 2 (Rose’s colonic machine, Shablee)