Game 43: The Secret of Monkey Island - Risk and Reward

Guybrush Threepwood Journal Entry 3: "There sure are some strange characters on this Melee Island! Outside of the village I've held conversations with the lookout (an old man that keeps watch for who knows what), the Fetuccini Brothers (two brothers that run a circus in the middle of nowhere), Meathook (a man with hooks instead of hands that lives in an ex-tourist establishment), and a troll (who was, as you might expect, guarding a bridge). It was at the circus that I found what I was looking for though...a way to earn some coin! I was extremely lucky not to die in the process, or at least break a few bones, but I managed to get 478 pieces of eight for just a few seconds work! That should be enough to buy the tools I need to have a crack at passing the three trials. Back to the village I go!"

Right. Let's see what else is on this island!

So my last post finished with me facing off against a horde of demonic poodles outside Governor Marley’s house. I’d thrown the stewed meat to them, which they’d eagerly devoured, but hadn’t noticed any effect from the action. I pondered what else I might be able to give some dogs that might draw their attention away long enough for me to pass, but couldn’t come up with anything I’d seen so far. This meant that my initial exploration of the Melee Island town was now complete! However, the town was only a small part of the island, so it was time to widen my exploration range. I made my way back up the mountain path to where the game’s introduction took place.  The old man was still staring out over the cliff face, and once again he was completely unaware of my presence. I had a bunch of great dialogue options to say to him, but whichever one I chose, the result was me scaring the crap out of him! “Yikes! You almost scared me to death. I thought you were a – never mind.” He then went into a spiel about how silly my name was: “You want to be a pirate, boy, take my advice. Change your name. Try something like Dreadbeard or Six-fingered Pete.” At this point Guybrush finally asked the man who he was: “I’m the lookout of Melee Island. I watch the ocean for approaching storms and ships, and report them directly to the Governor. She doesn’t like unexpected visitors… especially not now.”

That must be a riveting job. Wouldn't you rather be a pirate?

I was happy to see that one of my dialogue options was the question that was foremost on my mind. “How did you get to be the lookout when you’re obviously blind as a bat?” Unfortunately, the lookout only told me to watch my tongue, and that he’d been handpicked by Sheriff Shinetop. I then asked him why the Governor was so worried about unexpected visitors, although I knew the answer of course. “Actually, it’s the EXPECTED visitors we’re worried about. One pirate captain in particular, a dead one, but that doesn’t make him any less dangerous.” After exhausting my options, I left the lookout and walked off to the right of screen. I was given a top down view of the whole island, with certain important locations lit up in a really neat way. As I moved my cursor around I could see Guybrush, the village, the lookout point, a fork in the path, a clearing, a bridge, some lights, a house, a shore, and an island. I couldn’t really remember what was waiting for me at any of them, so I chose one at random (the clearing). When the little Guybrush figure reached that part of the map, the standard side-on view returned. I was in the thick of the woods, and had stumbled upon the circus I’d seen advertised in the village. I had little doubt that this particular circus would be far more entertaining than the one I'd experienced in Les Manley a month or so ago.

This is the greatest in-game map in gaming history. No, you're right. It's probably not. I just wanted to emphasize how much I like it.

By now LucasArts had perfected night time environment through the use of black and blue.

Oh-oh! I'll surely be shoveling shit shortly? (CAPs to anyone that can say that 5 times quickly!)

I entered the large tent, and there I found two very colourful gentlemen chatting about the cannon I could see in the bottom right corner of the screen. Man in Pink: “I’d get in the cannon, but the gunpowder makes me sneeze.” Man in Green: “Well, I can’t do it, I hurt my hand taming the lions last week.” Man in Pink: “I hardly think that little scratch compares to my chronic allergy. You get in the cannon.” Man in Green: “You don’t have any allergies, you faker. YOU get in the cannon.” They went on like this for some time, calling each other all sorts of names in the process. Eventually I was given some dialogue options, one of which included the LucasArts regular, “I’m selling these fine jackets”. I chose simply to clear my throat, and this interruption caused the two men to come charging at me, clearly sensing an opportunity for someone else to fulfil their desire. It turned out these two carnies were called the Fettucini Brothers. The pink one was Alfredo, and the green one Bill. The brothers tried their utmost to convince me to get into the cannon, which they would then fire across the room. I of course wanted to know what was in it for me, to which they answered: “How about 478 pieces of eight?” That was more than I’d hoped for, and would allow me to buy the sword, the shovel, and the map from the mysterious man on the corner, and still have a heap of coin left over!

Ahhh, brotherly love!

It's the once in a lifetime bit that has me worried!

I agreed to the stupid stunt, at which point Alfredo asked me whether I had a helmet. I didn’t of course, but I had something I figured would make do, so answered in the affirmative. I gave them the pot I’d picked up in the SCUMM Bar kitchen, and they seemed to think it was more than adequate. I hopped into the cannon head first, with my makeshift helmet on, and was immediately, and violently, shot across the room! The helmet flew off my head halfway across, and I slammed into a pole, sliding down to the ground where my cranium copped another heavy knock. The Fettucini Brothers were delighted! Alfredo: “It works!” Bill: “I’m so relieved!” After they finished congratulating themselves, they wandered over to see if I was alright. I chose to respond to their uncomforting questions with “I’m Bobbin. Are you my mother?”, which somehow convinced them that I was fine. They gave me the 478 pieces of eight as promised, and I was on my way. As tempting as it was to go back to the village and stock up on items, I decided to explore the map as much as I could with what I currently had. I made my way to the fork that was not too far away, taking a path leading out of the first screen at random. I reappeared in another woodland screen, where some bright yellow flowers caught my attention. I picked up a yellow petal, and then attempted to take the path leading away to the north. Guybrush turned to me and announced he wouldn’t go “into this mazelike forest without a map or a guide or something”.

Seriously, what could go wrong!?

Not...going...to...end...well!!!

Unusual indeed! Not sure how they appear yellow in the dark.

He said the same thing when I tried to leave the screen to left. It looked like this section of the map was off-limits until I had the map that would lead me to the Legendary Treasure of Melee Island! With that path blocked, I attempted to head north up to the shore and the island. What I haven’t mentioned so far is that there were other pirates wandering around the map, and I’d managed to avoid them to this point. This time I ran straight into one, and my view switched to a side on one. I was now confronted by a spiky haired pirate, who demanded I “move outta the way, or I cuts my way through!” I responded by mentioning how nice a night it was, hoping that would settle the situation down. It didn’t, and he aggressively enquired as to why I’d stopped him. My only option was to ask him why he talks so funny, but instead of this comment firing him up, he merely explained that it was “pirate lingo”, and that I should play along. That was the extent of the conversation, and I wondered if there would be anything of value to discuss with a wandering pirate at any stage in the game. Anyway, now that he was out of my way, I continued on to the area entitled “The Shore” on the map. Said shore ended up having a large, flashy sign pointing to a house across the water. The sign read “Visit Fabulous Hook Isle”, and suggested there would be Restrooms and Souvenirs for visitors. A flying fox (as in a cable running between two elevated points), ran between the shore and the island where the house was situated.

Had a good giggle at this one.

Shorely there'll be something interesting here! Hey, I'm a dad! I'm allowing to tell horrible jokes!

This screams tourist trap!

I was able to climb the ladder up to the cable, but there was nothing to swing across on. The solution was obvious though, and I formed the sentence “Use rubber chicken on cable”, then watched as Guybrush swung himself across the water to the island. Satisfied with my work, I entered the house on the hill, having no idea what to expect. Inside I found Meathook, an ex-pirate that very noticeably had two hooks where hands used to be. “Hey! I don’t like visitors! Who are you?” That wasn’t the welcome I was hoping for, but I decided to be nice…for now. “Excuse me, but the sign said there were restrooms in here?” Meathook informed me that the sign was a little out of date, and that his tourist business had been closed since there was “a little accident with one of the trained animals, and one of our guests was hurt very badly”. He went on to tell me that the beast that did the mauling was now his only company, and that by coincidence, it was identical to the one that took his hands when he was a child. Strangely, he failed to mention what type of animal it was, leaving my imagination to run riot. This was all well and good, but I had little idea what I might be able to achieve in his home. I decided to try insulting him, since there were plenty of juicy options available to me. I went with “I’m a pirate, cannonball-head. Who are you?” Clearly he was an emotional guy, as my insult actually upset him. “My name’s Meathook, and I think you’ve got a little attitude problem.”

I think I'll need that restroom after this!!!

Why do I get the feeling that "monster" is going to turn out to be a cuddly bunny with sharp pointy teeth?

My insult had opened up further insulting dialogue options, so I decided to run with it. Guybrush: “Well, I think you’ve got a little hair problem.” Meathook: “Geeze! You just don’t know when to quit, do you?” Guybrush: “Obviously, neither did your barber.” This last insult pushed Meathook over the edge, and he kicked me out! I walked back in to see what would happen. “I suppose you’ve come to invade my peaceful home and insult me again, eh?” This time I decided to take a different approach, and apologised for my earlier behaviour. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call you cannonball-head.” This seemed to appease him, and when I laughed along with his joke about my pony-tail, he finally decided I was alright after all. “Hey, you’ve got a pretty good sense of humor. Want to see something really funny?” As tempting as it was to ask whether it would be a picture of his whole bald family, I responded that I really did want to see whatever it was he thought was so humorous. To my surprise, he said “Say hello, Roger!”, and then the skull tattoo on his chest said “Hello, Roger” in return! Either this guy’s tattoo was a living entity, or Meathook had such good control over his chest muscles that he could make it appear so. It was impressive either way, but I didn’t see how it could possibly help me. Meathook informed me that he had a whole routine, but that he didn’t have time to do it all right now. At this point I had no option but to request to see the trick again or to leave, making me wonder how Meathook will ever be of use to me.

It is pretty awesome!

With the island done with for now, it was time to go check out the southern part of the map. The first location of interest there was a bridge, and it was there I discovered a strange looking creature blocking my path! Trolls have often guarded bridges in stories over the years, demanding payment before they’ll let journeymen passed, but I hadn’t expected to find one in The Secret of Monkey Island. I guess it wouldn’t be completely out of place, given that the main villain is an undead pirate. Perhaps it’s a man in disguise? I had plenty of dialogue options after he demanded a toll, but I decided to go with “Stand aside, troll, I’m a mighty pirate.” The troll was unperturbed by my threat, saying: “You’re no pirate! Why, the town drunk could out-insult you on his back!” He was proved right, when the best response I had was “Stick it in your ear, you great green garrulous grub!” In the end I had no option but to ask how much the toll would be, with his response being “Well, what have you got?” I offered him all sorts of things, but he wasn’t interested in any of it. “I want something that will attract attention, but have no real importance.” Whatever it was that he wanted, I clearly didn’t have it. This meant I’d explored as far as I could outside the main village of Melee Island, since the locations past the bridge were currently unavailable to me. It was time to head back to the village with my newly claimed cash. Hopefully the items I buy will help me to have a bit more success passing the Three Trials.

What is this? King's Quest?

You're a fussy troll, you know that!?

Session Time: 0 hours 30 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour 20 minutes

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