King’s Quest VII - Rainbows are Visions, But Only Illusions

 Written by Michael

Don’t blog angry.

Welcome back to Falderol, and back to Queen Valanice’s side of the story.  

First, I feel the need to note:  this is, by far, the most boring chapter of the story so far.  “Nightmare in Etheria” is the title, but if this is a nightmare, it’s on the level of Groundhog Day, because we are going to be going back and forth, repeating actions, and really just running down the clock, hoping the other team doesn’t make a basket.

Of course, I won't get to most of these complaints until the next post -- but since I hadn't originally planned on splitting this post in two, I can't resist leaving this opening in place.

No one wants to eat the cake, it seems.

When we last saw the queen, she was being arrested for stealing the moon.  Archduke Fifi convicts her of various additional crimes, such as being in town while not covered with fur or fins.  A consensus cannot be met on her punishment, however, so she is confined to town until she completes restitution.  That is, she needs to return the moon to the sky.

An armed guard blocks the front gate, so there’s no exit that way.  The town hall is closed to her until she completes this task, so the portal used by our daughter last chapter is also unavailable.  Fortunately, I had purchased a rubber chicken in a previous chapter, and the only other item clickable on this screen is the fork in the trunk of a large tree.

A cheesy solution.

Tying the rubber chicken to the tree makes a slingshot, and using it to return the moon both restores the block of cheese to the sky as well as restoring my status in town.  I am now a hero again, free to do as I please.

It is now that the chapter dissolves, because there is absolutely no hint, no clue, no guidance as to what to do next, or even what the goal of the chapter is.  Yes, I know the goal of the game, to be reunited with our daughter, but each chapter usually has an obvious goal of some sort.  This chapter, we aren’t given one until after we meander for a while.

Exploring the rest of town, the china shop is still open, but although the bull is a pleasant conversationalist, we exhaust the conversation with no progress.  The Faux Shop is still open to me, but as I have no money, not of much use.  Also, almost nothing in the shop is clickable.

The snake-oil salesman is still in his stall, and by trying everything, I am able to make a trade of the magical statuette for a bottle of were-beast salve.  The statuette was the same one I saw an image of Rosella in, but I do not see any further use for it, and (I’m hoping, at least) the game probably wouldn’t let me dead-end myself in this way.

The were-beast salve needs to be combined with animal fur in order to be used.  Fortunately, I have some jackalope fur handy, so when the time comes, I’ll be prepared.

There is nothing left for me to do in town, so I will head out the castle gates again.

Definitely giving off Snow White vibes.

In the outer lands, almost nothing is clickable.  We pass the valiant man trying to save his wife (you know, the one who “made like a tree and... got out of here”) but he won’t talk to us, so we need to keep going.

We can make our way to the forest dividing this land from Malicia’s house, but there’s that werewolf-like thing that likes to attack us blocking the way.

While there’s no stated goal of me heading that way, it seems I need to do so.

New from L’oreal, an electrifying skin salve.

He’s em-bare-assed.

Obvious solution?  Use the were-beast salve with the jackalope fur to get past him.  I go back one screen, apply the salve, and am transformed into a quick creature that, once again, bursts past the werewolf and rips his pants off, leaving him embarrassed in his Valentine’s Day boxers.

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s... compost!

Passing that screen, I reach the witch’s quarters.  Is she a witch?  Or just an evil bitch?  Either way.

Anyways, no sooner do I enter the screen, and I am then confronted by Rosella’s best friend, the swamp creature.  Before I have a chance to do anything, Lord Attis magically appears and eliminates the threat.  I’m guessing this is his way of repaying his debt for saving him earlier.  He just as quickly departs, leaving me free to continue my journey.

Through the garden we go, past the obnoxious man-eating plant, until we reach the pumpkin treehouse with the disrespectful boys.  Nothing to do here, so I keep exploring.  I check out the way Rosella got here from the land of the trolls, but it is still filled in.

Sadly, I’m not writing this on Friday the 13th.

During my travels, I find the pile of bones that seems to have returned to the Boogeyman’s lair (Remember, the gravedigger busted them up for Rosella last time).  The black cat is there, and knows us!  “My lady, are you Queen Valanice of Daventry?”  Turns out, the cat is giving us the update on Rosella, likely because of how she saved his life.  It seems that our daughter is trapped in the base of a volcano that is about to blow.  She tells us to seek help from the kingdom of Etheria, a land that floats in the clouds above us.  Count Tsepish, that nice headless horseman who flies by every now and then, would be a great person to help us get there, if we can help him with his headless problem.

She then heads off.  By the way, remember what we learned with Rosella on this screen -- if the stick is down, the Boogeyman’s around, so get the heck out of there.  Nothing else to do here right now, because the pile of bones will still eat me if provoked.

The doctor is in, 5¢.

Who can I trust to help me?  Maybe the gentleman Dr. Cadaver, just a couple of screens away.  Nah, he’s not much help at the moment, being cordial but telling us he needs to make a house call.

Back around, looking for an idea, and I find the basket lift to the treehouse is down for me.  I go inside.  The only item to interact with right now is a bone being held onto by the mummy in the corner.

The mummy looks like it has spaghetti for hair, but I still don’t see it winning any beauty pageants.

Knick knack, paddy-wack.

At the old burnt out house, I encounter the dog that was only alluded to before when Rosella was here.  As menacing as he is, giving him a bone calms him down.  It seems that we’re the only person that’s ever done something nice for him, so he’ll help us out.  His master was beheaded by Malicia’s gargoyle, and his master’s wife died of grief soon after.

Wait, this seems familiar...

It seems the Count is under a curse, and the dog thinks that returning his head will break it.  Apparently, the collar around the dog’s neck is really his master’s medal.  He offers it up to help our quest for the head.

Also, if you hadn’t already figured out that the flying headless horseman was the guy we need to help, looking at the medal calls it the “Horseman’s Medal”.

Witchy woman.

But really, we need to give it to the wife, so she stops crying and maybe doesn’t kill us with her withering looks.  With the wife out of the way, we can look at the door to the tomb, but we can’t open it.  I guess that’s where we’re going to find his head, so we need to find a way to open it.

That darn cat.

Well, walking around again we find the boys trying to kill the cat... again.  This time with dynamite.  Fortunately, they drop a stick (still lit, of course) so let’s make believe this is Leisure Suit Larry 2  and use the bomb to open a door.  

Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well.

Inside, there’s just the one stone casket, and pushing the lid open, we are able to extract a skull.  Going outside, we wait for the horseman to pass, and give him a head up on all the other headless horsemen in the world.

Um, why is he dressed like Wonder Woman under that cape?

We toss him the head, he plops it on top, it regrows, and suddenly his wife returns, throwing her cape to the side, and the dog bounces over, happy that his master can say words like “Bad dog!” to him again.

As thanks, he gives us the use of his horse, to get us to Etheria, and a flute to summon the beast, but it will only work when we are down here on the mainland, not up in Etheria.

This reminds me of a cut scene we’ll be seeing in LSL7...

In the next post, we’ll learn about all these rainbow connections here.

Session Time: 45 minutes

Total Time: 7 hours 30 minutes