Before we begin, playing a game set in L.A., it’s hard not to think about the fires engulfing that city and metropolitan area as we speak. Heck, being an American, it’s hard not to think about this. Or being a human. I’m sure all of your prayers are with those affected as are mine. If you’d like to donate, here are a few links to pages with additional links to a whole bunch of charities right there on the ground here (more local) and here (some more big-ticket charities but also a bunch of local ones.
Kristy Bilden asks about the body found in Griffith Park this morning, who was not a police officer . . .
Wait, body in Griffith Park? That’s news to me.
A more sober-minded individual, presumably the mayor, asks Care about the case. Carey does his best, saying that the LAPD always has to deal with the threat of violence, but that the good people of L.A. don’t have to worry because the LAPD is living up to its oath to protect and serve.
As Carey is speaking, some guy gets up, carrying a big stick and clearly intending Carey ill.Why look! It’s Dennis Walker, your friendly neighborhood Nazi. Apparently, he knew Carey would be at City Hall precisely that morning, and was able to smuggle a . . . crowbar? I might not have lived in L.A. during the 90s, or ever, but I remember the 90s, and municipal buildings still had things like metal detectors and security guards to prevent people from carrying lead pipes or whatever inside to cause mayhem.
Fail to deal with Walker in time and you get the red screen of death.Just like with Walker’s girlfriend in his apartment, you have to pull your gun on Walker (3 points, 283 total), tell him to drop his stick (4 points, 287 total) and get on his knees (4 points, 291 total) before Carey can cuff him (3 points, 294 total). You have to be really fast, or else Walker will mortally wound Carey and it’s game over.It’s all very dramatic, but also kind of dumb. And the game just had the exact same sort of puzzle not that long ago. As far as transitions go, it’s a bit much to swallow in a game prided on realism, but I guess it works because next we are back in Carey’s office at the Parker Center.I do what any good cop would do after almost getting mortally wounded in City Hall on live TV: write a report (2 points, 296 total) and give it to my partner who handles the paperwork (2 points, 298 total).It turns out that the Feds are talking to Walker now. you know, THE FEDS. I have my doubts that the whole Dennis Walker/Aryan Brotherhood thread will go anywhere after this. Anyway, Hal has a few things to tell Carey:
- Griffith Park Discovery: Nobles was there when the body was found and can tell Carey about it.
- Case Updates: Garcia’s patrol car was found abandoned on Hollywood & Vine [Garcia was the second cop who was killed way back in Day 2].
- Hollywood & Vine: This wasn’t Garcia’s patrol area. Sayeth Hal: “Seems our good son wasn’t so good. Or he was good at something. Damn good.” Way to mock a dead colleague, Hal.
Again with that romantic little jingle. |
Carey responds by saying he respects Lt. Block for being a “by the book man.” You dork, you absolute non-Lothario. That’s not how you get a woman to like you, you utter clown. Larry Laffer has more game than this nerd.
That’s right, THIS guy has more luck with the ladies than Detective John Carey. |
I have an idea to give Chester the glue I bought at the Mini-Mart back on day one (1 point, 299 total). Carey asks Chester if it could possibly match the glue in Hickman’s eyes. I also have Carey show Chester the shoe, which Chester says she thinks she could use as a water ski before opining that it likely belongs to one of Yo Money’s honeys. Chester also has some vital information about what’s been going on, including about the Griffith Park murder—apparently Carey is the last one to find out about this:
- Griffith Park Body: Chester hasn’t seen it yet as she wasn’t on the scene, though Sam seemed to know right away that the victim was killed by the same person who murdered Hickman and Garcia. Hmm . . . professional intuition or does he know too much?
- Garcia Update: The ash compound found on Garcia is the same that was found on Hockman and the cigarette found in the alley. The fibers on Garcia are red, nylon-based upholstery fabrics made in a certain configuration to resist wear; in other words, consistent with the fibers found on the other victims.
- Toxicology Update: No updates; whatever substance that was “ripping their [Hickman’s and Garcia’s] guts open, we don’t have a test for.”
- Garcia’s Patrol Car: The only prints were Garcia’s, but there was a smudge on the steering wheel, which SID is running tests on.
- Smudge: Grease—Chester thinks it’s lipstick.
TFW there’s a police academy but no Hightower. |
At the range, the same guy is still there, still wearing the same clothes, still not talking to Carey.Then again, Carey’s still in the same clothes as well, so whatever.
Carey dons the headgear (1 point, 302 total) and engages in a little bang bang, pow pow.
Or pew pew, if you’re nasty. |
I dash to the morgue, thinking that’s a logical place to go, but nope! I can’t see Nobles, so I head to one of the new locations, the impound lot.There’s a phone number prominently displayed: “683-3250 – Car detailing by Dan.” Is this important? I don’t know, but I’ve played enough adventure games to know that sometimes forgetting tiny, seemingly insignificant details like this can be deadly. So I make a note of it.
It doesn’t seem like anyone’s around, but there is someone in the window.Carey asks to look at a car, and the guy laughs, saying “How do I know you’re not the perverted weenie hackin’ up all these bodies?” I’ll tell you how you know, you clown: Carey has the rizz of a latent pile of buffalo droppings. He doesn’t have what it takes to seduce man nor woman nor beast to even get close enough to hack them up. So while Carey may be a weenie, he is most certainly not perverted . . . at least that we can tell, though come to think of it, he’s been carrying around a broken high-heel shoe for going on three days now.
Anyway, Carey shows the guy his badge (2 points, 308 total), which is proof positive, from the city of Los Angeles no less, that one is not a perverted weenie. “Tell Beans that Butthead sent ya! He’ll know what it means!” All right then.Carey finds a guy named Billy Bob Strum and, holy cow, what does this game, and so many adventure games in general, have against working people? They’re all stupid, easily amused inbred hicks. Eugene V. Debs wept. Anyway, Carey reluctantly tells Billy Bob that Butthead sent him, and Billy Bob laughs. The good thing is that when Carey asks to see the car (2 points, 310 total), Billy Bob actually has a little bit of information to imfart. I mean impart. Darn it, this “quirky” sense of humor is starting to rub off on me:
- Patrol Car: Carey asks who’s been out to see the car, and is informed that SID has, as well as a “big gal” yelling that she was the mom of the dead cop. It could be Garcia’s mother, who was definitely a force to be reckoned with, and while she was wide, I wouldn’t call her “big.” Billy Bob thought she was too young, so he sent her away without letting her check out the vehicle. Hmm . . . wasn’t a big woman seen driving this vehicle?
- SID: SID wept the car for prints and said there weren’t any but Garcia’s, which (a) corroborates what Chester said, and (b) why would the guy working at the impound lot know this?
- Name: Carey asks Billy Bob if his name is really Beans. The guy instead tells a weird story about pranks and pantsing his Uncle Joe or something . . . I didn’t take detailed notes about this whole stupid episode.
I try talking to the pimp, but no dialogue tree comes up. I either actually forgot to do this, or I did something wrong. Anyway, being a music buff myself, I head to the record store first.Talking to the store clerk brings up a bigger image of him, and the narrator comments that he “looks like Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers.” You be the judge. Also: This game was made like 30 years ago and today Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers is still someone everybody knows. Wild. The more that things change, stuck culture, etc. and so on.
No stuffed-animal pants though. |
- Abandoned Patrol Car: The guy didn’t see it but heard about it. Said he heard a “cop was whacked” and that “His girlfriend did it. Now that’s a bitch!”
- Officer Rene Garcia: “Doesn’t sound familiar, dude.”
Back outside, the pimp will talk to Carey:
- Officer Garcia: He’s never heard of Garcia until he showed up days ago. He tells Carey to ask the girls at The Bitty Kitty because “they know everybody who’s anybody.”
- Abandoned Car: The guy missed it, but it was all the talk of the area. He said Garcia “went for a dip at the kitty and fell right in, if you know what I mean.” I don’t, and the man elaborates: Garcia had a steady girl from the club, but some “glamour queen” was seen driving a cop car . . . after the cop showed up dead and naked at Yo Money’s.
- Girlfriend: She was apparently supposed to be “absolutely gorgeous” and “one big beautiful honkin’s woman.” The guy comments on her breast size, etc. This is a family blog, so I won’t go into detail, mainly because I didn’t write it all down.
- Who He Heard It From: “All over the streets.” No name to give to Carey.
- Suspicious Activity: According to our friendly pimp, there’s “[a]lways something strange going on down here.” He should just call Ghostbusters and be done with it.
Enough with this bozo. Time to see some dancin’ ladies!The Bitty Kitty is a strip club. There’s a lady who greets Carey with a “Hello, handsome.” I wonder if this will continue the grand Police Quest tradition of cops falling in love with prostitutes and other ladies of the type your mother warned you about. Carey takes a seat and shows her his badge (2 points, 316 total) and before I move on, “handsome”? This is right up there with the “You’re the best looking guy here” meme.
If you know, you know. |
Being an adventure gamer, I notice a lighter on the bar and try to pick it up (4 points, 320 total), but the narrator says “This lighter belongs to the lady, not you.” Okay then. Time to talk:
- Officer Garcia: She maybe knows him; lots of cops come to the club every day. Does Lt. Block know about this. Does . . . Lt. Block frequent The Bitty Kitty?
- Abandoned Patrol Car: She didn’t see it. She does confirm it belonged to the cop who showed up dead at Yo Money’s. She heard people say that this cop “gave rieds to girlfriends . . . you know, show off the sirens and handcuffs.” Yikes.
- Bitty Kitty Club: Carey mentions the club’s reputation (wait, I thought the newspaper clipping was the first he’d heard of it?) and the girl says they do “social work” for many of the lonely men who fill the world. She’s really an actress doing this until she gets her big break. She was in a monster movie, apparently: Foaming Fun, in which she got eaten in a jacuzzi by the worm monster. There’s some Lynchian subtext here. Also, RIP David Lynch.
- Dancers: Carey asks if the girls date cops. The woman tells Carey it’s club policy not to date customers, but they all do anyway. However, the girls are all private about it and don’t tattle because no one wants to get fired.
- Barbie: Barbie Khan is the club’s owner. She’ll know if any girls were at Yo Money’s the other night. She’s napping now, but tells Carey he can come back later to talk to her.
You know, we need a “Cell Block Love”-type of country ballad for these two love birds.
While John Carey and Electra don’t have the storied romance of Sonny Bonds and “Sweet Cheeks” Marie, it definitely has potential . . .
You were workin’ at the Kitty while I tracked a psycho down
Had me chasin’ Nazis and rappers all over this here town
I saw you at the club and baby you checked out this shoe
Now we’re joined through bonds of love, and a lighter too . . .
It’s a work in progress.Outside, the pimp is messing with Carey’s car. What the hell? I can’t do anything about it, but one of the side-mirrors has been messed with. Why? For what purpose? Was the guy trying to jack Carey’s car? Also, Carey is a cop! He could have shouted “Halt, police!” and gone after the guy, whom he caught clearly in the act. This game makes no sense sometimes. But as an adventure game, it means that the glass shard on the ground is needed for a puzzle later, so in a way it makes perfect sense. I pick it up (4 points, 327 total) and have the idea to glue it back to my car. I can use the glue on the mirror (3 points, 330 total), but it doesn’t go back on the car, and Carey is now just carrying around a side mirror . . . and Carey’s car still has both mirrors on it.
I really need to stop thinking about this so much.I go to the 3rd Eye theater, the other place on the newspaper clipping. It’s so old, it was probably a Vaudeville theater. It’s closed, and the ticket booth is unoccupied. There are Dirty Harry and La Jete posters, which, according to the narrator, means this “must be an art house.” I can’t do anything or go anywhere. So I leave, and after one more futile trip to Yo Money’s, I go to the Short Stop because I’m feeling like drinking now.Neail is like “What the hell are you doing wasting time here, Carey?” Good point! I decide t play the stupid arcade game, which is asteroids. I play for way longer than I should have because I keep racking up extra lives.
“I had the high score! They edited me out of my own franchise! I’ll get you Daryl F. Gates!” |
I show her the shoe, and Barbie doesn’t think it belongs to one of her girls. She says it’s too big and that it would probably fit Carey better than her. All right, we have enough evidence that it belongs to either a really big and tall woman or to a man. It’s glaringly obvious at this point.
Carey asks if they can talk off the record, and here’s where I get some useful information:
- Garcia: Barbie had not met him, and only heard about him after he was killed. “We get so many young men in here,” she says.
- Abandoned Patrol Car: She knows only what she’s heard: “The boy” gave the car to his girlfriend, whom Barbie heard was so beautiful and her figure so perfect everyone thought it was Barbie herself! However, she assures Carey that she’s “too old for such a young boy.”
- Girls and Customers: Carey asks if any girls date customers, and if anyone dated Garcia. Barbie has rules, but she can’t control the girls; they’re all “looking for husbands.” So one could have been dating Garcia, but she doesn’t know.
- Yo Money: Carey asks if any of Barbie’s girls were at Yo Money’s party on Monday evening. Barbie says she likes Yo Money, but the rapper doesn’t always schedule his parties with Barbie; if some of her girls were there, she has no idea.
He is. But first I have to deal with the real perverted weenie in this game:
Never before have I wished this was an Ultima or Elder Scrolls game or something where you can kill anyone you come in contact with. |
Nobles is in the middle of, I don’t know, nothing really. He chats with Carey about a lot of stuff. Strap yourself in, friends:
- Griffith Park Jane Doe 1201-K:
- Specifics: No ID. Black female, mid-30s found under a tree and fully clothed. Guarded by a stray dog.
- Autopsy: Same M.O.: Burns, injections, glue. Fluid and tissue samples sent to SID. “Your killer is keeping busy, John, very busy.”
- Injection Marks: Nearly the same as the others, but not so high on the arm, and was the left arm this time.
- Lividity: Primary only, on the buttocks, back, and shoulders. She was killed in the park and moved under the tree after the deed. “Apparently, he’s working faster.”
- Mutilation: Worse than the others: her right forearm was severed, but less torture this time, with fewer bruises around the ankles and wrists.
- Glue: Both eyes and the mouth glued shut. “He didn’t make her watch.”
- Status: The body is in cold storage and Nobles will hold on to it until the family can be located.
- Anything Else: Nobles scraped a sticky substance off her shoe and sent it to SID for analysis.
- Griffith Park Dog: Nobles found it comical, strange, and sad at the same time that a stray dog was so viciously guarding this body. The Park Police couldn’t get past the dog, but the dog ran off once Animal Control arrived on the scene. Nobles thinks the dog has been picked up before and recognized the truck.
- Garcia Update:
- Toxicology: Not yet, but when they opened Garcia’s mouth the found that a molar had been freshly extracted by someone who was not a dentist. Nobles comments that the killer has taken fingers, toes, an arm, and a molar from his victims, which fits the M.O. of a serial killer who takes trophies to relive the kill through the object.
- Glue: The brand is in every store around town
I’m about to pack it in when for whatever reason I try the mirror. It works (4 points, 336 total): “The sun reflected in the dog’s eyes shoos him away.” This makes zero sense but I feel proud of myself for cracking this bit of moon logic which would have made Roberta Williams proud. No, she would’ve required tossing a pie in the dog’s face, probably. Now I can get close to the cordoned-off area around the tree where the latest victim was found.It looks like the dirt around the tree where the body was found has been freshly tilled. Carey notes that this oak tree is young compared to the other trees in the park. What does this mean? I don’t know. I just keep clicking, baby. Using the “Hand” icon, Carey removes some dirt and reveals a bone (3 points, 339 total). No wonder the dog was interested! No, I’m sorry, that joke was in poor taste. Carey bags the bone (3 points, 342 total), and makes a note about the bone (2 points, 344 total). I want to point out that I’ve been clicking Carey’s notebook on everything this session, and this is the first time I got points for it. I also decide to fill out a report since, hey, I have a form in my inventory (2 points, 346 total).
Now, it makes sense that this bone should go to Officer Teddy What’s-his-name up in property, right? But I go to Chester first and give it to her (1 point, 347 total). She confirms that it looks human, but says I need to give it to Teddy. Working my way up the Parker Center, I stop off at homicide and give Hal the report (2 points, 349 total).
However, Teddy isn’t there! Property is closed!What the hell, man? State employees, am I right? This is obnoxious. I have a killer to find!
Frustrated, I go to the morgue to see if Nobles can help, and notice that Sherri is missing.That’s odd. I soon find out why.Sam, you dog! He’s giving Sherri an impromptu mammogram. Aw, get a room, you two—wait, they kind of did. Imagine getting busy on a morgue bed. This makes my earlier bone joke look cultured and erudite by comparison.
Flustered, Sam informs Carey that Sherri just had a “chest cold” and lets her go. Sure, Sam, sure.
Before speaking, Nobles tells Carey there are two more bodies: a white John Doe and an Asian Jane Doe. Our killer is trying to make a United Colors of Benneton list of victims, I guess. DEI hits the serial killer market, except they call it DIE.Man, you guys are brutal. Luckily, we’re almost done. Settle in, because Nobles has a lot to tell us. First, I give Nobles the bone found at the park (4 points, 353 total). Nobles tells Carey to give it to property, which sets Carey off, telling Nobles to run the damn test sans paperwork because time is ticking and Carey doesn’t want to go through a “red tape marathon.” Nobles agrees and then begins to tell Carey all about what’s been going on:
- John Doe 7216-M: Mutilated, burned, and so on, like the others, but adorned with nylon pantyhose around his neck.
- 7216-M Autopsy: Not performed yet, but will be tomorrow. It did look like “a monster,” had done this, a “killing machine.”
- Cause of Death: Not asphyxiation. There were no neck bruises; they nylons were purely decorative. Nobles guesses they’ll eventually learn this man was poisoned to death.
- Lividity: Only primary front-side lividity corresponding to the kill. The killer was working fast, moving this victim directly after the kill.
- Nylons: Carey asks if the nylons belonged to the Jane Doe. Nobles says no—this was no sex encounter. The nylons couldn’t be Jane Doe’s because the Jane Doe was too small and the nylons are big enough to have “fit three of her.” Come on, man. What are we dealing with, an Andre the Giant-sized drag queen?
- Glue: John Doe’s mouth was glued shut. “Hear no evil, say no evil, see no evil,” Nobles said grimly.
- Jane Doe 1202L: Asian, late 60s, burned and mutilated, etc.
- Autopsy: Will be done tomorrow. It still looks like our killer’s work, Nobles says.
- Lividity: Primary, on the back side, corresponding to where her body was found.
- Cause of Death: Nobles again bets it will prove to be poisoning. There were two injection marks on Jane Doe’s upper arm, but there haven’t been any toxicology matches on any body. Still, the fluids will be analyzed.
- Missing Extremities: This Jane Doe had her left foot crudely severed. Due to the lack of blood loss, Nobles thinks it likely, as with the other victims, the amputation was performed after death.
- Glue: Jane Doe’s eyes and ears with glue. Nobles remarks that the killer is “kind” to women, and doesn’t make them watch.
- Notification of Bodies: The call came in from a business owner on Hollywood & Vine. The bodies were stacked in a car in front of his music store.
- Vehicle Status: Carey asks about the car. Nobles says it was towed to the impound lot. Nobles muses that he’s beginning to feel like Carey’s secretary. Oh, shut up Sam.
My to-do list:
See the CoronerVisit Bobby Washington’s familyVisit Hickman’s familyComb the neighborhood where Hickman and Washington were foundTrack down Raymond Jones III, aka Ragtopp SpiffGet into the Rainbow Café(turns out this was a red herring)Get cigarette butt from Yo Money’s house(I think my opportunity to do this has passed)Answer the mayor’s questions without harming the case- Go back to Ragin’ Records and question not-Flea
- Visit the impound lot
Total Time: 9 hours, 50 minutes
Score: 353
Inventory: Funeral memo from Lt. Block, kit, Kevlar vest, glue, mirror, wallet, gun, clip, badge, newspaper clipping, change, shoe, Hickman’s valium, lighter, keys, handcuffs, notebook, photo of Carey and Hickman, Parker Center ID, 3.14 report form, qualification memo from Lt. Block, candy bar
Not that I expect a police game to be frolics and picnics, but man this is just a constant stream of pixelated grimness that's also oddly sleazy. Did people actually enjoy this game back in the day?
ReplyDeleteThat matches the TV shows if the time -- gritty was what people wanted. This is just after the start of NYPD Blue, and as Law & Order was preparing to add sex crimes to its roster.
DeleteTo some, Sonny Bonds was too "good". Like the TV shows that inspired the earlier games (like Dragnet and Adam-12), the cops were generally good and criminals gave up when they were cornered. People wanted more reality.
So, I guess my answer is "yes".
While most of this game has not been particularly endearing to me, I did enjoy noticing the Asteroid game backgrounds include ones from Space Quest 4.
ReplyDelete