Missed Classic: Beyond Zork - Everybody Wants to Tour the World

Written by Joe Pranevich

Welcome back to Beyond Zork! It has been longer than I intended since last time, but to recap: Magic is going crazy! It’s mere days before a certain Guildmaster (from Spellbreaker) is going to destroy magic for good. It’s up to us to locate the Coconut of Quendor which will somehow preserve magic for future generations. As this is a cRPG and not just a text adventure, we are playing a custom character: a Zorkian version of Lady Dimsford from Plundered Hearts. While “we” the player know about the imminent demise of magic, our character does not. Thus far, we have discovered the first town, completed a small fetch quest in the basement beneath the Rusty Lantern Inn, and set off into the wilderness. Presumably, we’ll learn about the plot officially soon enough.

My plan this time is to explore and map, solving what puzzles that I can that are obvious, but mostly just trying to get a lay of the land and notate everything that I will have to solve or defeat later. This is my usual pattern with adventure games, but Beyond Zork is not “just” an adventure and the RPG aspects may make this more difficult than I expect. I am especially worried about combat: I had to save-scum to defeat the rat-ants in the basement and I am concerned that my character is not well-suited for direct combat, at least not yet. I don’t think you can create a character that isn’t “winnable”, but I really have no idea.

The moor in the game is more of a dismal swamp.

Exploring the Moor

From our starting town, there are three directions to go: northwest beyond our starting hill, northeast following the coast, or south into a dismal moor. I only know what a “moor” is (and that only barely) because I’ve read The Hound of the Baskervilles, but it is otherwise a geologic feature that we have in short supply here in New England. As I enter, I am immediately attacked by an “Eldritch Vapor”. This is another beasty that we have a card for in the manual: it will steal things from you and, if you don’t have anything, it will steal you. 

Fighting the thing is an exercise in frustration. It barely holds still long enough for us to connect with our club, but instead grabs an item and disappears. We can find the missing item by searching the moor, but it doesn’t wait long before striking again. A strategy of attack and evade doesn’t seem to work here as it appears to regain health gradually, just like we do. I’m not quite careful enough and end up dead; when I reload the game, the moor is in a completely different layout. That will make mapping much more difficult! I work out that if I hide all of my stuff in my backpack, he'll have nothing to steal and hang around longer to let me hit him properly. When he does successfully grab me, I’m deposited in a nearby room and have no trouble getting back to where I was. Eventually, this strategy works and the vapor is no more. 

With the vapor defeated, I am next attacked by a “guttersnipe”. That combat appears to be much less of a puzzle: I hit it a few times with the club and it eventually dies. I am now Level 2! My endurance goes up, but regretfully none of the other attributes. I’ll be able to survive a few more punches, but not be any better at landing them. If you didn’t notice, “guttersnipe” is another pun: the real meaning is a vagabond child, sort of like what you might think about reading Charles Dickens. A “snipe” is also a type of bird so the resulting monster is… a bird that inhabits gutters? Honestly, I’m not sure but the creativity with monsters is at least appreciated.

With that done, we can finish exploring the moor find a few more things:

• Three mysterious objects: a potion, a scroll, and a stave. The scroll has something to do with “hard improvements”, the potion is labeled only to “shake before using”, and the stave is pretty nondescript except that we can feel latent magic when waving it around.
  
  
• A pterodactyl is hobbling in one location, an arrow piercing its wing. It is clearly in distress. It may be domesticated because it has a necklace with a whistle around its neck, but I don’t find anything I can do with it immediately and have to leave it suffer. Poor thing.

AI image generation is improving: this is the room description as generated by DALL-E 3. Some of the images came out okay and some did't, but I included a few "good" ones to illustrate this post. 

 Mizniaport

Exiting the moor to the south, I find myself in another town. This is “Mizniaport”, labeled “M” in the Southlands of Quendor map. The description claims that this is a fashionable town for the “yuppies” of Borphee, but we only have the area around the single shop to explore. 

Behind the shop is an alley labeled “Private Way” and we head down there first. In a little stable behind the shop, we discover a sad unicorn, along with its saddle and a single horseshoe. I cannot put the shoe on the unicorn. Obviously, horse shoes are supposed to be good luck, but there’s no amount of squeezing or rubbing that improves my luck score. I pocket it to solve that little mystery later. The stall is locked so we cannot free the unicorn or enter deeper into the stable. The game lets me try to pick the lock with the dagger, but either that is impossible or I am missing the required dexterity. I take note and leave for now.

Heading into the shop the correct way, I spy a mysterious curtain, a shopkeeper, and a case with her goods. Asking about each, I find:

• A nondescript cloak for 30 zorkmids. It has “potent virtue” woven into it, but I don’t know what that means.
• A leather tunic for 20 zorkmids. It won’t protect me from much, she says.
• Scalemail for 60 zorkmids. Presumably this is better armor.
• Plate mail for 200 zorkmids. This is probably the “best”. 

I only have one zorkmid, but she’ll buy the crown and gold doubloon (treasures from my adventure under the inn) for a total of 50. Rather than purchasing the cloak or tunic, I hold onto my money for now since I don’t know what we’ll need. 

The western edge of town is home to the “famous” Mizniaport Skyway, a guided tour by cable car above a nearby jungle. They are just boarding as I arrive, so I hop on. As the gondola progresses around a track (with ongoing narration by a tour guide– some of which about a “crocodile’s tear” seems important), we pass a utility tower. On a hunch, I leap out of the gondola (shocking my fellow passengers) and are able to climb down to the jungle below. Before I can do much, I become the lunch of a very hungry crocodile. The combat was a near-immediate death so my guess is that we’re not powerful enough to go here yet. I restore back to an earlier point and continue my explorations. 

This one isn’t bad actually.

Gurth City

When you go to Disneyland and ride “It’s a Small World”, countries and regions literally sail by in a moment. That’s a bit of the same experience as I walk two rooms north from Mizniaport and find myself in Gurth City. Consulting the included map suggests that Gurth is quite a bit further north (even further north than our starting town!), but perhaps there wasn’t much to see in the middle. 

The city isn’t a large one. In a market square, we bump into a seller that mistakenly drops one of his for-sale fish cakes. I assume that the Fifteen Second Rule applies in Zork games and I have no compunction against picking it up. Remembering that one of the items in our manual was a “red herring” (ha!) which is described as “good brain food”, I snack on the cake and am rewarded by an increase in intelligence! I restore and don’t really do that yet, in case I need the cake for something else, but that is a fun little catch. This game doesn’t seem to have a hunger mechanic so there’s no reason we have to eat it now. Perhaps an upcoming monster will be peckish. 

The only other location in Gurth is a magic shop, looking exactly like the “boutique” further south, including the shimmering curtains. My guess is that we’ll have some way later to teleport between the shops, but for now it’s just an interesting detail. The setup feels inspired by the shop in Howl’s Moving Castle, but that is better known today for the 2004 Hayao Miyazaki film rather than the 1986 novel. Would that have been well-known enough to inspire Moriarty? Perhaps there are other similar magic shops in fiction. 

Exploring this shop, I make an amazing discovery: the shop keeper will identify objects for free! Within a couple of minutes, I have identified every magical item that I have picked up so far:

• A scroll of mischief (“fun at parties”)
• A scroll of fireworks
• A rod of sayonara (“teleports trouble out of your way”)
• A potion of forgetfulness (“can’t recall what it does”)
• A rod of anesthesia

In the case, she is also willing to sell me:

• A potion of death (“don’t understand why they mix these things”) for 24 zorkmids
• A potion of enlightenment for 24 zorkmids
• A potion of might for 24 zorkmids
• A lucky rabbit’s foot for 5 zorkmids
• An hourglass (“an unknown treasure of ancient Pheebor”) for a whopping 1000 zorkmids

I wouldn’t call it “art”, but it’s not a terrible way to illustrate these old adventures.

A quick digression from future me: I always play twice while I am writing to fill in details that I neglected to include in my notes. It appears that Beyond Zork randomizes more than just the dungeons: my next playthrough rewards me with a slightly different set of items: I have a rod of annihilation instead of anesthesia, and the potion of enlightenment in the case is replaced by a potion of healing. This will make the game more difficult to write about, but does it also make it replayable? Are there multiple solutions depending on which objects are randomly put in each game? If so, I’ll need to consider that for the score later. It also means that I need to change my strategy for writing about this one and keep better track of my saved games. 

The hourglass looks critical but far more than the measly 31 zorkmids I have managed to collect so far. I could buy the rabbit’s foot, but I already have a horseshoe I don’t know what to do with. I save my game so that I can try out what the potion of enlightenment does, but none of my stats change after I drink it so I restore back to buy something else. In the end, I decide to just leave the shop and keep moving. 

Leaving the city seems possible in the directions, all of which are blocked to me for the moment: a field of lightning to the east, a forest guarded by a “cruel puppet” to the north that defeats me easily, and a shady wall to the southwest that might lead to a town or castle but for now just seems impassible. If I have more dexterity, can I climb it later?

The wand of anesthesia gives me a good idea for the injured pterodactyl: if I use it to put the creature to sleep, I can safely remove the arrow. Unfortunately, it is still injured and I have no healing items yet. (The “potion of healing” was from a future playthrough, remember!) Using some creative save files, nab the whistle and arrow off of it for identification. The arrow isn’t magical and so cannot be looked at by the shopkeeper, but the whistle is a “whistle of summoning”. My guess is that once I get this fella cured that I’ll be able to use that to summon my new friend, but I need to find some way to cure it the rest of the way. 

This is what a salt water tidal flat really looks like. Weren’t you happier with the AI images?

Accardi-by-the-Sea

With my explorations halted in that direction, I return to the start of the game to pick a different direction. This time, I follow the coast to the northeast to see what I can find. 

Almost immediately, I stumble on a riddle on a cliff overlooking the sea:

“My tines be long, 

 My tines be short,

 My tines end ere my first report.

 What am I?”

I have mixed feelings about riddles in adventure games. For one thing, I’m not that good at them. When they assume outside knowledge, it’s easy to get stuck– especially as we get further and further from the cultural context of the 1980s. As long as the answer isn’t Mary Lou Retton, I will probably be fine. In this case, my initial thoughts turn to clocks and forks. Something ending before its first report sounds like the clock striking twelve, ending before the “first report” when the first minute of the new day pass. Perhaps “tines” are an alternate term for “chimes”? I do not think that I am on the right track as no variation on “clock” or “time” seems to solve the riddle. I mark it on my map as something to come back to.  

A bit further north, I pass through tidal flats (where I can collect some salt) and then arrive at Accardi-by-the-Sea. This is a rarity: a place that we (the player) have been to before! This is the town where our Sorcerer became a Guildmaster and likely where the introductory frogs are located. We explored the tiniest part of this town in Spellbreaker, but I’m not sure if Moriarty will reuse any of that. Come to think of it, our character in this game still doesn’t know that she’s on a mission and is just exploring randomly and for no reason. Is this where she’ll find her Call to Adventure? 

Before we can explore much however, we locate a weapon store with the same look, curtain, and shopkeeper as before. Identifying our weapons (the dagger and club) doesn’t reveal much information. The dagger is only “useful for cleaning fish” and I suppose that means that the club is probably better for fighting, but since they are both valued at a mere 10 zorkmids they are probably around the same. I had hoped for a clearer indication of damage. Fortunately, there is nicer gear in the display case:

• A silver scabbard. It has magic on it and the saleswoman says that if we buy it, we should take it to the magic shop in Gurth. It’s 80 zorkmids.
• A “skull-cleaving” battleaxe for 40 zorkmids.
• An elvish longsword for 100 zorkmids. Could it be the same as the one in the previous Zork games? I hope it glows in the presence of evil!

With my 31 zorkmids, I can afford the battleaxe if I sell either of my current weapons, but I have a feeling that saving for the scabbard is the better choice. There are also nice magical items and armor in the other stores and it’s tough to decide what I should spend on first with such limited means. I elect to finish exploring first before I commit to serious shopping.

Sort of? It looks cool though.

The Magic Guildhall is in the east end of town, but a magic nymph prevents me from entering. She claims that no one is home right now, but we know better, right? I try to leave, but that won’t be as simple as I thought.

A burst of hollow laughter echoes up and down the street. You turn, but see no one.

There’s a faint, electrical tension in the air.

The invisible voice chuckles again, and the tension in the air rises.

I am confronted by a “monkey grinder”, a strange were-monkey creature with a magical organ. Whatever it is, it is tough. I am unable to land any hits on it and it blocks the exit to the west. If I try to flee into the Guildhall, I am rewarded with a short scene that means the end of the cute little nymph:

   Ignoring you for the moment, the monkey grinder strides across to the Guild Hall’s entrance. 

   A warning nymph appears beside his ear. “There’s no one here right now,” she squeaks, “so you’d better not… Oomph!” This last exclamation is the warning nymph’s last; for, quick as a wink, the monkey grinder snatches it out of the air and crushes it in his fist. “Miserable pests.”

That’s good in the sense that I could probably get in now, but bad in that I am still unable to defeat the monkey grinder and he is now blocking the way inside. On the bright side, he doesn’t seem to be able to block both exits and I am able to flee back to the west and escape the fight. Any attack that I do seems useless. My best option seems to be the “fireworks” spell, but that surprisingly only shows the game’s credits! While a cool Easter egg, it’s not what I needed at this exact moment.

A great easter egg but a worthless spell.

Fountain of Eternal Youth

Catching my breath, I review what is left to explore. My westward path from the start of the game is blocked immediately by what appears to be the other end of the lightning plain. There’s a billboard there (“Field of Frotzen”) behind which I find some spenseweed, something the manual assures me is good for healing. It’s still a very quick dead end. That leaves only a path west from Accardi, but it quickly becomes apparent that it is just another path into the “cruel puppet”-guarded forest north of Gurth. Looking at my oval map, that seems almost nonsensical– the geography of this game is wildly inconsistent for scale– but it makes sense when we look at the included map in the game package. Should I end the post here or keep going?

I should end it, but I take another approach: run like hell. That allows me to explore the forest while consistently avoiding the puppet. It doesn’t do enough damage to kill me in one hit and, like the monkey grinder, only seems to be able to block one exit at a time. In this rapid-fire way, I discover a forest that contains many different kinds of trees: one room each has oak, willow, and even an “ironwood” tree. I have been trying to keep track of oak trees because the manual says that they could hide a “chocolate truffle”, but that’s only going to be useful if I locate a “Minx”. (There are two entries in the manual about truffles and even I can get the hint that they will be important later.) Picking up items while running is tough, but I snag a scroll and a stick. 

In a few turns, my map of the forest starts to come together. In addition to the rooms with different kinds of trees, the area contains:

• The exit to Gurth to the south that I found earlier. I’m able to duck out there to identify the new scroll of protection and “stick of eversion”. Apparently it turns things inside out. Will that be useful for combat or a puzzle?

• A clearing, the only room not named for a species of tree, contains a boulder with another riddle inscription. I’ll get back to that in a moment.
  
  
• A passage to the north leading to “Zeno’s Bridge”. Crossing that works about as well as expected; I restore and will try to figure that out later. 

Since this isn’t a “real time” strategy game, it’s not that much more difficult to solve the riddle while being attacked by a puppet. The riddle goes like this:

“Never ahead, ever behind,

 Yet flying swiftly past;

 For a child, I last forever,

 For adults, I’m gone too fast.

 What am I?”

This riddle is at least easy (and suggests that the other riddle may also be clock/time based) and I say “youth” almost immediately. The clearing opens up to reveal the Pool of Eternal Youth. What to do with that pool now that we’ve found it is less clear. By wading into the water, I can free myself from the puppet for a bit as it stands helplessly on the shore. Dipping the “old horseshoe” into the pool doesn’t turn it into a “new horseshoe”, nor does drinking the water do anything obvious. Using the pool as cover to attack the puppet doesn’t work either, my “dodge and weave” approach always ends with him getting a single good hit that takes me down to zero health. I might want to try that approach when I am stronger.

DALL-E seems good at these simple scenes, but any attempts to add a puppet to the scene for example just causes the AI to get confused and stupid.

Zeno’s Bridge

Returning to Zeno’s Bridge, I take stock of what is obviously another puzzle. The bridge is a long span across a wide chasm. Our map shows a ruin or castle on the other side, one of the northernmost places on the map. Just like Zeno’s Paradox, we can only cross it halfway each time. Our first step takes us to the center of the bridge where we can pick up an umbrella. After that, we are trapped: moving south takes us progressively closer to the south end (1/4th of the way, 1/8th of the way, etc.), while north takes us similar fractions in that direction. Moving a combination of the two directions gives us absolutely ridiculous fractions: “16369/16384th of the Way to the South End”. We’re stuck thanks to the power of mathematical paradoxes. 

There is one escape: if I open the umbrella and jump, I survive a plunge into the river far below. The umbrella is broken and I emerge (with my items seemingly scattered) at a babbling brook at the entrance to the cruel puppet’s forest. Rather than play that out, I restore back to my last save. Is there a potion that can make me lighter? 

At this point, I have nearly completed mapping the world I can reach. I really should stop writing here, but there’s only one location left: the jungle with the cable cars. Last time I tried to explore that part, the crocodile killed me quickly, but my experience with the cruel puppet has convinced me that we can do a lot of mapping while running away. I don’t want to close this post out with some region unexplored, so let’s get to it!

It looks fine, but you don’t have to stare very long to realize that the AI has no idea how cable cars work.

The Jungle Skyway

On the way south back to the cable cars, we pass by the moor with the sick pterodactyl. Now that we have the spenseweed, I try pulling everything together: I put it to sleep with the rod of anesthesia, remove the arrow, grab the whistle, and then apply the weed. The creature is healed and happy! He flies off and I get the impression that I can summon him again with the whistle. Maybe that is how we cross the bridge? Maybe it fights off a monster? I look forward to finding out, but for right now I am focused on the jungle. 

I board the skyway and take it through a full loop to get a thrust of the narrative. The tour guide is bored with his job and forced to advertise products for the “Skyway Emporium” (which sadly does not exist in-game), but we learn a few things:

• The jungle is home to many monsters, but we should especially watch out for a “bloodworm” that disguises itself as a mossy boulder before attacking unwary prey with 32-inch fangs.
  
  
• The jungle is also believed to be the hiding place of the “Crocodile’s Tear”, a sapphire extracted from the granola mines of Antharia (near where Wishbringer takes place); it was hidden in the jungle by the sorceress Y’syska who surrounded it with magical traps and beasts. 
  
  
• A train once ran through the jungle, but it was replaced by the skyway due to the many passengers that died each year due to jungle fauna. 

Obviously, I’ll need to collect that sapphire! Despite the skyway being a replacement for a previous train service, there is no “end” station and the car just returns to the start. Why would anyone use the skyway except as a tourist attraction? As we go, we pass by three support towers and it’s possible to leap out onto them while the ride is moving, then climb down into the jungle. (There are four towers depicted on our map, but presumably one of the towers is the base station.) 

On the next pass, I “disembark” at the first support tower, despite the plaintive cries of “Passengers, please remain seated” and the worried looks of tourists. No sooner do I get down than I am assaulted by the crocodile. Following the pattern from before, I do my best speed-mapping while avoiding the crocodile’s jaws.

In the jungle, I discover:

• A mother “hungus” (sort of like a hippopotamus?) with her baby stuck in quicksand. We will need to rescue the baby, but I don’t see how yet. 
  
  
• The expected “mossy rock” that turns out to be a bloodworm. It wakes up and gives chase. 
  
  
• Deeper in the jungle, I discover a crocodile idol! It looks like a complicated puzzle assembled in sort of a see-saw; when I climb up, I am flipped inside the idol’s mouth and left to die in a dark room with no exits. There might be a way out– there is more squeezable moss to get a dexterity boost– but if so, I cannot find it. 
  
  
• Spread between several rooms, I manage to snag a scroll, a stick, and an ivory tusk. Taking them back to town, the tusk is sellable for 40 zorkmids and the cane is a “cane of annihilation”. I seem to have forgotten to identify the scroll.

After fully exploring the whole place (while running from both a crocodile and a bloodworm!), including locating all three towers back up to the cable car, I stumble on the biggest jungle surprise: an exit to the south past a waterfall. Just when I thought I was done exploring, I found another whole section…

Just like this, but not generated by AI.

Christmas Town

It’s not really called “Christmas Town” (it’s actually “Thriff”), but it might as well be. Is it December already? I swear I’ve been editing this post for a month now and I’m sure to miss at least a dozen typos. As we leave the jungle to the south, we pass through what is narratively a neat space: a waterfall created by snowmelt as the two magical-seeming climates of “hot tropical jungle” and “snow-covered Christmas town” collide. I check the waterfall for hidden caves, but the game expected that I would think of that and chides me for it. Of course I’m going to check for hidden caves!

Like most of the towns in this game, Thriff is mostly represented as a single room. Where the other towns featured a shop or a pub as their key location, Thriff has a church. A strange scene is triggered when we enter:

Chapel

   An anxious congregation kneels in silent prayer before Cardinal Toolbox. On the altar beside him rests a reliquary.

   There’s a pew here.

   The Cardinal Toolbox lifts his eyes as you walk in. “Art thou the Savior?” he cries, and the entire congregation turns to stare at you.

   “Naw,” sneers an unseen voice. “Just some dame with a rod of Sayonara.” 

   “Oh,” mumbles Cardinal Toolbox with a sign of resignation. “Have a seat, good miss, and join us in our hour of need.”

They are looking for a Savior? I sit in the pew and the Cardinal begins his sermon. The “wrath of trees” is coming because the town’s many glyphs of warding have nearly all faded or been destroyed. Only a single one remains, carved in melting snow. The glyphs were created by a magician named “Orkan”, but he’s not responding to their urgent pleas– possibly because he is turned to a frog somewhere like all of the other enchanters. They will give “anything” to the person that saves their village. I eye their reliquary and am unable to determine what is inside, but most likely that is what I want.

Just to the northwest of town, I stumble on a hunting party that is using a minx to search out chocolate truffles. One minx runs in terror and hides behind a tree, leaving its footprints in the snow as a dead giveaway to its location. Thinking fast, I cover up the footprints and the hunter is unable to find the beast. It’s thrilled and let’s me pick it up! I have a new friend and perhaps someone that I can take to all of those oak trees I have been trying to document.

My final act for this post is to head south. I find the melting glyph of warding and am immediately attacked by a giant Christmas tree. I pick up the ornament it lobbed at me and run away. We’ll figure out how to deal with him another day. 

The more complex I make it, the less likely it is to come out exactly right.

Wrapping Up

And that’s finally it. I have explored every corner of the world that I can explore. Strangely, it feels both too big and too small: some areas just don’t make sense on the map, while others have entire Christmas Towns hidden away in unexpected places. What I am left with is frankly a mess of puzzles and areas and it’s difficult to even keep track of everything that I haven’t solved yet– which is ironic because my character still has no idea why she’s doing any of this. 

Let’s try to document all of the stuff that I haven’t worked out yet:

• I haven’t solved the riddle on the cliff face, nor do I know what to do with the Fountain of Youth now that I’ve located it through the second riddle.
  
  
• I do not know how to free the unicorn or anything I can do with its extra horseshoe. I am slightly worried I needed to get the “old horseshoe” before doing the Inn so that I could do the rejuvenation spell on it. Maybe I’ll need to start another character to try that.
  
  
• I do not know how to get the sapphire out of the idol in the jungle, nor how to climb out of the idol if I fall in. There must be a way, otherwise they wouldn’t have put dexterity-increasing moss inside.
  
  
• I now have a minx, but no clear idea how to get a chocolate truffle. I have a feeling that will be its own puzzle since I’ll have to keep the minx from eating it.
  
  
• I don’t know how to cross Zeno’s Bridge, although I do have a flying pterodactyl that I don’t know what to do with. Maybe those things can be used in tandem?
  
  
• How do I enter the lightning-covered field?
  
  
• How do I rescue the people at Christmas Town from the rampaging Christmas trees?
  
  
• How do I enter the Guildhouse? Presumably I need to defeat the monkey grinder first somehow.
  
  
• How do I free the baby hungus in the jungle?
  
  
• I really don’t know how to defeat much of anything: the bloodworm, crocodile, cruel puppet, and monkey grinder are all out there waiting for me. 
  
  
• What is up with the game telling me the wind direction every few turns? And does that have anything to do with the odd markings on the included map?
  
  
• There are so many things to buy, but I’m just paralyzed with fear that I’ll spend my money on the wrong things. Should I play this like a RPG and buy better weapons and armor first? Or get some of the magical items that could be used to solve puzzles?

I don’t know if I have felt this overwhelmed by a game in a while. It is fun… but I need to figure out a strategy and how I want to approach some of these problems. All of this overworld exploration doesn’t feel much like a Zork game however and I hope the game returns to its Zorkian roots before we get too far into it.

Time played: 3 hr 30 min
Total time: 4 hr 55 min
Score: Level 2 Female Peasant
Inventory: Shillelagh (wielded), silver ornament, vial, vellum scroll, lantern, pack, horseshoe, salt, stick of Eversion, scroll of Protection, rod of Sayonara, potion of Might, Amulet of Bok, 71 zorkmids.

It’s cute though!