Flash Gordon: il Rapimento di Dale – Won!

Written by Vetinari

What?!? Already? Yes, dear reader. Saying that this game is short is an understatement. Compared to this, “Daughter of Serpents” feels like “Der Zauberberg”.

Or Heimat 2 if you are more of a cinephile.

So, this game starts with Flash near the wreckage of his spaceship. I seize the opportunity to try some of the keyboard controls, like ducking, jumping and so on.

You know, the typical adventure game fare.

Since there is nothing useful on this screen, I proceed to the right where a couple of flying beasts prowl. The music changes to let me know that these are dangerous enemies, and so I dispatch them easily by punching them.

You know, the typical adventure game fare.

On the next screen, there is a corpse on the ground, but as I try to interact with it Flash says that he cannot go near it because there is a monster nearby. So I shoot the creature. Repeatedly.

You know, the typical... okay, I think you understand where this is going.

On the corpse I find a flask of cider which goes into my inventory. I take the path which can be seen in the background and, after another couple of screens with random enemies, I find my first NPC, a lion man.

George Harris played this character in the movie.

This guy greets you with “Glory to the Emperor Ming”, and you have the choice to answer in kind, or say “Ming be damned”. If you have seen the source material, the obvious choice is to insult Ming because these lionmen are rebels. So, I greet him with “Always glory to the Emperor” and he kills me by skewering me with his big sword.

Harsh, but fair.

Restart game, come back here again, talk trash about Ming. The lion man says that he will help me to access the back door of the palace, by following me at a distance and intervening only if necessary. Fine, I guess. But, as it turns out, the cavern leading to the back door of the palace is on the very next screen.

The lion man assists me in killing the monster guarding the cavern and then gives me an interesting amulet, saying that he cannot accompany me further.

You walked for ten meters top, dude.

Inside the cavern complex there are some flying bats that I evade, and then I come to the door to the palace, guarded by three uniformed soldiers.

This does not seem to be a very prestigious posting.

I am mowed down by their bursts of laser, then I restore and try the classic adventure game tactic of ducking and shooting. I dispatch them fairly easily, but consume most of my ammunition and health. Fortunately, in the caverns I find an ammo box laying around.

What need did the bats have for these kind of things?

I pull a lever to open the huge door, and enter the palace. Another couple of guards are dispatched easily by shooting them point blank. Then I try to use the items in my inventory, and I find something really interesting.

In practice, all the inventory equipment are used just as health or ammo reserves. The ammo box increases my ammunition cache (which is tracked by the colored bar at the bottom right), the cider flask increases health (which is tracked by the colored bar at the bottom left), and the amulet from the lion man... just replenishes the health bar a bit more. So, this game has no inventory in an adventure game sense. All items are just single use stimpacks.

I had such high hopes for this amulet.

By searching the last column on the right, I find a secret mechanism which opens the next door. Entering it I find the royal chambers where my archnemesis, Emperor Ming, is currently dallying with Dale Arden.

I cannot wait to see what the game has in store for this final confrontation between these two characters.

Ming proceeds to immediately flee from his chambers to go summon other guards. Flash tells Dale to give him some minutes to clear the way and then follow him down the catacombs of the palace.

Really. Is this game possibly going to get any worse?

Flash enters the catacombs and immediately falls down a hole. Fortunately an updraft lets him land safely and he says that Dale can follow easily on his footsteps. But, what is this? Another ammo box.

It's like DOOM out here.

One of the two doorways is just a dead end. The other one leads outside, where I shoot some more enemies and finally I reach three levers spawning out from a tree. I just try random combinations of levers until the doorway opens.

I could have missed some subtle hint on what the correct combination was, but I doubt it.

Inside the doorway there is a gate with a conspicuous button beside it, which I push.

This could be either an exit or a prison cell.

And... that's it?

I am conflicted on whether it's better to say this game is already over, or is finally over.

See you next time for the Final Rating, but don't keep your hopes up for a good score on this one.

Session Time: 0 hour 40 minutes

Total Time: 0 hours 50 minutes