Kenny’s filthy notebook (with list of questionable telephone numbers copied from toilet cubicles) legible page #2: I love my job. Gallivanting around town when everyone’s asleep and breathing in the fresh night air. Ah… Love it when London is so quiet. And filled with murders. Which gets me jobs and thus money. I hope more people gets killed for my financial security. Damn, I’m like a hitman! So cool. Know what would be cooler? A barcode tattoo on the back of my neck!
|Huzzah! My first clue!|
I am not sure how much time is required to travel on the train but, hey, the night is still young. I can work from 11pm to 6am, maybe even more since I’d only need to sleep by 3 pm, right? Yeah, right, we’ll see. Anyway, here’s what the note from some guy named Johnson (Teehee! Johnson!) says:
|Ooh… an exotic murder weapon…|
From this note alone; my bright, intuitive, hot-air-filled head of mine can deduce the following:
2. It’s a dagger, named Medusa, made of jade. And it was thrown away after the killing. This means that the perpetrator/mastermind is filthy and disgustingly bourgeois rich.
3. I have a lead on this shop on “B. Street”. Probably one that deals in curios and antiques.
4. Who the fuc- uh… fuchsia… is Redman? And V. S.? Could it be Victoria Station? Nah. It’s Agatha Christie we’re talking about. It’s gonna be a lot more cryptic than that. As for Redman, he should be a fairly easy person to find. Else, he’d be named “R”.
5. Using an easily identifiable weapon means one of these things:
- Purely accidental manslaughter: It was a heated discussion and the dagger, which could have been a gift (because who in their right mind is gonna carry this shit around?) from the victim to the killer or vice versa, was used to end it.
- Religious sacrifice: As an exotic weapon, it may have been used as a ritualistic sacrificial tool. Only way to confirm it would be to check on the location of the murder to see if there are any archaic symbols or paraphernalia around.
- Opportunistic serial killer: This is the most unlikely scenario because the killer is very rich. He/she has too much to lose and will be too easily identifiable amongst the masses if he/she keeps leaving jade daggers around. If he/she is mentally unsound and the world is not just confined to this small little game universe, it may have been totally plausible. Knowing Agatha Christie, however, this would not happen.
- Sending a message: This dagger may be a known symbol amongst a close-knit group. The victim may have done something to piss off that well-to-do group and was taken out. This is most probable and would prove most difficult for me to solve as it would involve an entire group of suspects with the possibility that they may even engage a professional assassin to do the job.
|Oh, look! It’s a bobby! I’m sure he’s named anything BUT Bobby unless his parents were clairvoyant or he was way too much into self-fulfilling prophecies.|
|Hello there! You’re uh… Really? That’s… that’s your name? Oh, great that it’s your last name. So, it’s not your parents' fault.|
So, anyway, better start testing out my interrogating skills on my first suspect.
|Geez! Okay, okay! Frickin’ square. I’m sure you’d just luuuurrrvvee to lock my sexy ass up for your sick corn-holing pleasure.|
|Two serious contenders for the “Most Well-Dressed Londoner”. Let’s observe what they’re doing and/or talking about to steal some fashion tips on immaculate British dress sense, shall we?|
|Hemingway is the editor of Morning Star? Why the hell am I trying to contend with a paper whose editor is a Pulitzer Prize winner?!|
|Ah. Inspector Smart. Maxwell Smart, I presume?|
|The porter did it! No? Occam’s Razor, man.|
After a good dressing down from the police for hiding evidence (oops…), Oliver left the station a happy man since he’s now the only star reporter in the Morning Star. Get it? Star Reporter? Morning Star? Oh, it’s not funny enough for you? Fuc- uh… fuchsia bread is the best. So, my turn to talk to Smart.
|Brighton? As in the shop on “B”righton Street? And is there some kind of epidemic of male-pattern hair loss that I should watch out from?|
Let’s carry on in the next article, shall we?