Missed Classic: The Dark Half - I am Definitely Sane

Written by Morpheus Kitami

How are things going in the land of poorly pixelated Timothy Hutton?

Beaumont picking a bad time to start up a X Japan cover band.

Well, whenever I reload a game, I'm not sure if the game is crashing, which is a good sign. Seriously, there's an in-game moment before the sequence starts, which is just confusing as hell. There also seems to be just one long music track, which isn't bad, but it's just one for a significant area, it seems.

I pick up all I can from the shed, which is a rope and a flashlight. The way out from the graveyard is left from the start. We're not doing great with area transitions.

You know, I'm overthinking it, but the more I look at this screen the worse it gets. It looks nice at first glance, but then you spot that the trees are sort of one big blob of green pixels. I suppose that could just be artistic license, since you aren't drawing each individual leaf on a tree, but giving the illusion of foliage. I have drawn a lot of trees in my life and felt very dissatisfied with them, this feels like a digitalized version of something I would draw in pencil. Moving away from the trees, we have the mountains. They look nice, but they've been tacked on because otherwise there would be nothing back there, and because of where the road ends, you can't quite get away with that. Horizons are also something I have a problem with putting in, funnily enough. Which ties into that road, it has that snaking feel a lot of, let's slap a road bits there. It doesn't really look like a real road. Oh, and I think the game is supposed to have some foreground grass where Beaumont is standing.

It's not all bad, I love the colorwork, the guy has a real talent for it, I hope he continued to find work after this. It actually saves it despite the imperfections. Simple use of colors, even in the color-shifting trees. The corpse is wonderfully done, a work of art. I'd add some more contrast to the hair, since hair has a lot of contrast in the light. This should be shown in any 2D video game art class. Look at this image and realize that while artists make a lot of mistakes, if you can focus on your strengths, it doesn't matter. I would be shocked if anybody looked this deeply at this single image.

But this has nothing to do with the first murder Stark does in the film, which was done near a ditch, without a fence. I guess my half memory of the film is proving to be pointless because this game is only vaguely following the film. This is the reporter who does the article on the death of Stark. If I search him, I find a camera. That's it, I guess I'll just walk over to town.

It's all downhill from here.

And a closer look. Check out the even more extreme shrinkage on Beaumont. There are several locations of note, the university, where Beaumont is employed, a restaurant that wasn't in the film and a barbershop. There's also a phone booth. Moving around this screen is odd, because Beaumont jumps because of the extreme shrinkage.

I enter the restaurant randomly. This lady asks me stuff, but there's no consequence since the game doesn't kick me out. I can steal a glass randomly. I can't do anything else. Seriously, the only items I can examine here are a booth and a removeable seat cushion, neither of which I can interact with. I'm guessing this is time sensitive or something.

I can only move to the right in town, to a truck. I can't go further to the right, and I can't go back to the left, nor can I enter the background. This requires me to take a moment, but I figure it out through sheer dumb lack of hotspots, examine the truck.

The brute ripped out all the dials!

This also doesn't happen in the film, the police find the truck in a dealership in another state, where Stark stole a muscle car that was a trademark of his or one of his characters. This is exactly what I meant when I said this film was hard to adapt into a video game, the main character isn't on-screen that much in the first half and a lot of events are only retold to him.

Looking at the hideous mess that is the car, we have a steering wheel covered in blood, below it some wires. There's a glovebox covered in blood that Beaumont refuses to open because there's blood. A bloody rear-view mirror, what, Stark cares about not getting rear ended? Better than 90% of drivers out there now. There are also a bag of peanuts and an air freshener I can't take...but I can take cigarette butts (Beaumont's brand!), a pencil and a bottle of whisky covered in blood. Whoops, Beaumont has blood on his shirt now. Guess I'll leave now.

I can't seem to go anywhere else, until I spot another door in the center of town. Welcome to the tavern. I don't remember this from the film either. There's not much business tonight, the only real observation that Beaumont makes. I can look at the glasses and a trash can for no reason. I think, perhaps the game is giving me an obtuse clue that I need to put the cigarette butts in the trash can, since it has cigarette butts in it already. I can't do that though, so that's out.

While doing that I find out that the game's controls are awful. You have to wait for Beaumont to reach there, and accidental clicks are frequent. You can only get hotspots if you look over something, other actions only apply if they can be used. Which is somewhat helpful, but ever so annoying when you look around.

Anyway, the bartender gives me some helpful hints, because apparently they know that Homer was killed but nothing else. If he were the killer he'd remove all the evidence linking him to the crime. Unfortunately, I suspect that I'm missing something really important in there, and I can't do anything with the random beer stein I've just picked up. I'm so confused with the items I've gotten, half this crap seems completely useless, yet it's all I can pick up. Now the travel to function works, allowing me to travel to the cemetery and the house.

A new aspect to picking everything that isn't nailed down.

Welcome to Beaumont's house. We have scenic "telephone pole", "mailbox" with nothing it in, and "tree" and "tree branches", which I can pick up by pulling. Somehow this is the second-most useful item I have right now. Oh, and I can look into the windows for no benefit.

There were two floors to Beaumont's place in the film, so good job turning it into a two room apartment.

Inside we have scenic, "empty bowl" which once contained fruit, "table", "empty fireplace", and "pictures". None of which are of any value apparently. There's also a bookcase full of books Beaumont has written, and next to the bowl is a book that Stark wrote, Mean Machine, which I can take, and a telephone I can phone one of his acquaintances at the university, who isn't in. There's also a locked china cabinet.

Going further, we have a pointless night stand and lamp...hey, why is there a random severed hand there? Someone in the art department and someone in the writing department wasn't communicating. That does track with what we know of the writing department for this game, though. You can see yourself in the mirror and open the closet, but to no end yet. There's not really anything else I can do here, though the game did put Liz Beaumont in bed. Well, time to go to sleep by using the lamp.

Not as spooky as advertised.

We get a nightmare sequence and Beaumont wakes up with the image I started this off with. It's a nice beautiful day, let's see what we can do now, oh, the police are coming in.

You'd think the game would bother to depict this...

Why, Michael Rooker (right), you look like crap. Er...Sheriff whatever his name was. Also, what happened to your nice brown jacket? Beaumont, it seems, only owns one shirt, because I can't think of why else he would not put one he got blood on in the wash.

And game over. Straight to DOS, classy. Hmm...maybe the problem was that I took the whisky bottle? I can ignore it, but then Beaumont won't go to bed, and then I spot a drawer that I can open, containing a shirt. So, despite Beaumont changing clothes to go to bed, he wears the same stuff he was wearing yesterday? Disgusting.

This time, I can talk to the cops. It's the same principle as the other dialogs, only it starts itself back up automatically. Homer was beaten to death with his own leg, and someone was seen fleeing Homer's truck. We're under suspicion because Digger, the old man at the cemetery, saw me. I can now answer by saying I was at the tavern, at home, or just ask if I'm being accused. I figure since I have the beer stein, that's what I should do, claim I was at the tavern...and it's game over again. What I'm really supposed to say is ask if I'm being accused, which causes Rooker to say that my fingerprints were found on the rear view mirror. Why can't I use the bloody shirt to smear those, anyway? I guess that would be too logical...

Anyway, now I have three options to respond with. "I can't." "I've been framed!" "They're not really my prints. They belong to George Stark!" Based on how the last answer seems like the one that would cause the police to get the most aggressive with you in real life, I'm going with the last one...and game over again. Hmm, wasn't 2 the answer Beaumont gave in the film? Aha, that's it. Now I can accuse one of three people, Stark, Digger or Fred Clawson, who I believe was the guy who figured out the connection between Stark and Beaumont. Maybe the game should have explained it...? Nah. Anyway, I go for that...and the whisky bottle gives me away.

I try in vain to drop it somewhere outside, the trash can being the most obvious place to do it. No dice. I look it up in a walkthrough, turns out I needed to put it in the closet. The police would never look THERE, in the house of a suspect. Fortunately, this is enough to get me past the police, as without the whisky bottle they just ask me who Fred Clawson is. They don't entirely believe me, but I can't blame them. Right, now I'm...free to search this place in the light of day. I notice now that there's a potted plant and a smoke detector, not that they seem to do anything. But I can push the bookcase, revealing Beaumont's study.

In the movie, this study was at his cabin, which isn't his house. I think this is just making a new room for the sake of being obtuse, because a secret room with a window is a crappy secret room. There's a whole lot of nothing here. Lecture notes, research books, more pencils, notes, a filing cabinet full of goodies. Nothing I can interact with or use. So I leave for town.

Earlier, I spotted a photography store while wandering around. I couldn't do anything at night, but during the day I can. Two people and a satisfaction guaranteed sign. If I look at the people, Beaumont says the guy on the left looks like a high school kid and the guy on the right looks like the manager. I thought it would have been the opposite, but maybe the white coat fooled me. It's not like there's any sign of age on these people's faces.

To develop the film I have in my camera, which I stole from a dead guy for no reason, I have to talk to the guy on the right, who then tells me to give it to the guy on the left. But I have to give it to him, not use it, and take the film out first. Realistic? Sure, but unless I need to photograph something else...ah, crap I had the option to buy more film. Oh, I need to give him six USD. I don't have money. This is going to be an annoying puzzle if I need more film. Though, now that I think about it, this wasn't in the movie. It's also a risky move on Beaumont's part, after all, they already suspect him...

I'd go to the college next, but it's crawling with cops, and Beaumont is afraid of them. You know, if I didn't know the story this game was about ahead of time I'd swear this game was leading up to a twist where Beaumont ACTUALLY was the killer all along. That tree is important, I can't climb it, but I can use the rope to get there. Assuming that Reggie was in. You know Reggie, Beaumont's...uh...secretary. I'd remember her better if she was actually introduced in this game, but that isn't going to happen.

I look around some more and realize I can enter the diner and get a booth. That's not the important part, I can search under the cushion. This reveals this. It's pixel hunting, but I already know I have to get it. This gets me a lighter and some quarters. I guess if I need to use the phone booth, which I can't understand why. If I need to call someone I can just use my phone at home, the quarters will be for something else. So I go back, Beaumont calls Reggie but gets her machine and doesn't leave a message.

Since I'm here, I look over stuff again, well, try to pick stuff up. I can pick up the potted planet. Now there's an item I'll need. Oh, it's animated, there's a key under it, and taking it causes Beaumont to put it down. Shouldn't I have just, you know, pushed it? Whatever, the key opens the cabinet, which only has a gun inside. This will be good if the fuzz becomes wise to me again...I mean if we should come across Stark.

Checking the study again, I realize that I could close the bookcase...I mean push the bookcase closed. Revealing a wastebin with a single sheet of unused paper in it. In the movie, Beaumont wrote to communicate with Stark this way. It's creepy, any description I give would be underwhelming. I can't do that yet. I'm also going to say that this is my least favorite "object hidden behind open door" puzzle, which is the third favorite. Unlike the others I can think of, there's no good reason for this to be hidden like that, and even in-universe Beaumont knows there's a bin there. I also close the secret study, because I sense that might end badly if I leave it open.

It also occurs to me that I might want to hide the whisky bottle in the cabinet. Since I can relock it. But Beaumont won't, because Liz wouldn't appreciate it in there. I dunno, I think Liz might notice the whisky bottle hidden in the closet, dripping blood all over her clothes over the locked cabinet which only contains a gun. Eh, I guess it is glass. Right, what's left?

Isn't it horrible is a statement and not a question?

The barber shop. There's no reason for us to be here except that it is here. There's a broom on the right, I try to pick it up, but Beaumont says he doesn't think he'll need it. I don't think I'll need half the stuff we do have, but you're the one with the game script. I have the option to search the drawers here, but Beaumont doesn't want to do it while the Barber is here. The game makes a joke about the one customer in here, about how he's been in here too long, which I don't get until I start the conversation. He doesn't have anything of value to say, but he is blocking me from grabbing a razor on the left. Are we SURE that in this game Beaumont hasn't developed a split personality?

Okay, I don't have a clue of what to do next, let's look it up. Oh, what I was supposed to do was write in the diner! It's a bit more unintuitive, Beaumont tends to smoke when he's writing, so you light up the cigarette butts and then write. Or in my case, light up the cigarettes, accidentally walk out of the building, then return and do it correctly.

I haven't seen any.

There's a sequence in which Beaumont is in a trance, and then the paper shoots out of the typewriter saying "The crows are flying again". It's genuinely creepy, even if they didn't layer it properly.

Meanwhile, there's a black Toronado outside Fred Clawson's apartment. In the movie, what Stark is doing right now is stripping Clawson naked, then using a straight razor to cut off Clawson's thing, then putting it in Clawson's mouth. It's supposed to be some gangland intimidation stuff, and I believe that. I accidentally find out where this is by going into the barbershop again, turns out that Clawson lives in town in this game. In the movie, he lived somewhere else. Once I'm there, there's a piece of paper and an old lady. The old lady says that flesh wounds are rarely fatal, but mind wounds are deadly. I can't really do anything besides pick up the paper. Beaumont is secretly killing people in this game is becoming more and more valid as a theory.

What was he even looking for?

I pick up a tear gas canister as I walk up the stairs. (George prefers more 'intimate' weapons, if you examine it) They made this less creepy than the film. I guess people in 1992 didn't really want to see mentions of severed things in mouths. Shooting people is okay though. Fortunately, today we are mature enough to appreciate both things. There are three hotspots here, the body, the writing, and the closet door, which I can open.

This reveals a dog. I'm just going to point out, you could probably tell if one was in a small room like that. I shoot it, and the game ends. The police heard me, and Thad is arrested. The game implies I should make a silencer. I have nothing to make a silencer with, but I admit a silencer for a revolver wouldn't occur to me since that doesn't work as well as it would on an automatic. I have tear gas though. That works, and now I can search the closet...by using the flashlight. It contains a locked strongbox I can't pick up. So I missed a key. I search the apartment again and see nothing. I look it up since it's either hidden or somewhere earlier...no...I was supposed to use the pillow, as a silencer, on the gun to open the lock. This gets me six dollars. We just hurt the dog of a dead man for six dollars? Who thought this up?

I return to the photoshop. Can't get my photos yet, but I could buy the film. Let's just check a walkthrough because I don't trust this game to not screw me over in regards to money. Yeah, I can do it. I have no reason TO do it, but I'll do it. This triggers the next event, Liz Beaumont pages Thad, and I have to go into the phone booth to call her. I can't walk home, because why would I want to do that?

"Hopefully they don't find the blood-covered whisky bottle I have in our closet."

The police are back at Beaumont's house again, because he's the killer...I mean George Stark is the killer and he's an absolute identical twin. This is a sign I should go there.

Once there, Beaumont is arrested again because he has the gun that killed Clawson. The gun I've had all day, and possibly could have had last night, killed Clawson. Did the people behind this game understand anything at all about the movie? They do know that the point was that Stark was ACTUALLY a different person and not just Beaumont going insane, right? I mean, I can't imagine buying the license to effectively a random movie and not trying to make something good out of it. It's not guaranteed money from suckers like a Schwarzenegger adaptation.

JC Beaumont asking the hard-hitting questions.

To not instantly die, I have to put the gun in my mailbox. This gives me dialog, ergo, a chance of actually surviving this day to kill again...I mean find the killer. I want to point out that in the film, Rooker's character, the guy on the right, was friends with Beaumont, which was why he believed him. ALSO BECAUSE HE DIDN'T KEEP GOING TO THE MURDER SCENES! Anyway, he hasn't arrested me because...The sparrows were flying again was written by someone who is left-handed and Beaumont is right-handed. So I offer to sign a book for him, since I'm being obnoxious to the police again. Wow, it actually gets me arrested, huh.

So instead I have to give them a piece of paper containing the phrase that only the person who killed Clawson would know. This lets Beaumont off. This is such a stupid thing to do that even I, a person with legal knowledge obtained entirely from detective fiction, know is wrong. This satisfies them, and then Liz leaves talking about how Regina called and asked why Beaumont wasn't at work recently. It turns to night, but I can't go to sleep, because Beaumont wants to do some writing. So I go to the study.

Makes absolute sense. This tells me nothing, so its time to sleep. We get another nightmare sequence, this time with a photo of Thad and Liz's wedding. We wake up and the phone rings.

I'm going to point out that Miriam looks decent enough in motion, even if this screenshot is odd-looking.

It's Miriam, one of Beaumont's publisher. At least I think so. She's being murdered by Stark. And then I regain control again. I'm going to stop here, because you need time to guess the unguessable conclusion to this amazing game!

This Session: 2 hours 00 minutes

Total Time: 2 hours 5 minutes